Wednesday, August 19, 2015

1 Year Anniversary

Monday- This week marks an "anniversary" of sorts for me. 1 year ago this week, I finished up my Monday 24 hour shift at the ambulance, drove home with the usual feeling of dread and before 8am and still in my uniform, I looked at my husband and told him our marriage was over. This wasn't out of the blue. This was a culmination of two years of pure marriage misery for both of us that led him to cross a line. That crossing of the line didn't anger me; it gave me the balls to finally end it. What proceeded during the following two months did leave me angry, stressed, scared to death, but finally FREE. The freedom, the lifting of the weight off of my shoulders, is what kick-started my running to where it should have been and to where I am a year later. It was like losing 50 pounds, and I was able to find the speed I never knew I had. My life was changed for the better, even though it was one of the toughest and scariest things I've ever done. I don't regret it one bit; I actually regret not doing it sooner. Hanging on for John's sake was the wrong decision because even he is happier with the way life is now.

But with all that said, the last few weeks have been tough. Anger and stress have been finding their way back in. I think a lot of it is just remembering and feeling the turmoil that occurred during the divorce all over again. It's only been a year. A year that flew by. It's been a GREAT year and will continue to be a great year. I know this. However, it was only fitting that I would feel like I was being punched in the gut all over again with a certain request made by John's dad. He asked me to take John for the overnight and Tuesday morning, when he normally has him, so that he could go celebrate his 1 year anniversary with his girlfriend on a camping trip. I agreed to this over a month ago, but only found out the reason I was taking John on Monday afternoon. I love my son; I want to spend time with him, but I thought the reason was kind of unthoughtful, and I felt a little taken advantage of.

This is way TOO MUCH INFORMATION, but it does actually lead up to my Monday run (which I only had one hour for due to the time constraint). It brought me back to a year ago when I was running angry. It was like a celebration of my own 1 year anniversary. Running angry again! Ha ha! It was SO hot and SO humid, but I busted out 8 tortuous miles in 54:18, a 6:47/mi pace. A huge feat for me in that type of weather. I guess I just needed to get back into running angry mode to get ready for Fall racing! :)

No comments:

Post a Comment