Finally Admitting It...I'm OFFICIALLY Injured

Watching the finish of the Vermont City Marathon. Photo by Jess Cover.

I dropped out of the Vermont City Marathon yesterday. As heartbreaking as it was, it was the right the thing to do. I felt embarrassed and wallowed in self-pity for only a short time, though. Even though I wish VCM didn't have to be my wake-up call race, it was what I needed to get me to stop pushing through this injury. I have been running with various degrees of pain (sometimes very minimal to extreme) for last 15 months. I don't remember what it's like not to run in pain, but as stubborn as I am, I kept running through it. I also have a high tolerance for pain. Natural childbirth will do that to a woman. Haha. I think the fact that I kept running all this time is why no one really believed me when I said I was injured. And everyone assumed I was sandbagging when I said I wasn't sure I would even finish VCM. It actually really bugged me a lot, but then I had to think how it's really my fault since I kept running and would occasionally have a good race. Well, I must be exaggerating, right? Well, I really wasn't. I knew it. I really did. I just had this slim hope that I could finish VCM. Had I been at mile 18 when the pain got bad, I would have pushed through, but when the pain got suddenly really bad in mile 8, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I decided to I was going to make it to the half. Within the mile from 8 to 9, I knew I was going to struggle just to make it to mile 10. I was actually going to drop at 9, but I didn't want to miss the run back down Church St and then I would have missed Kevin Sheedy snagging some photos of me as I grabbed my water bottle off the elite table. I apparently had plumber's crack going on, too, but Kevin missed the photo op. Seems to be a tradition for me at VCM now. Haha. I've never had those shorts show my ass crack before, but I guess I've lost just enough weight to make them too big. Funny, though. I don't look like I've lost weight.

Mile 9.4 elite water table. At least I wasn't last at this point.

Glad I was still smiling

I grabbed my bottle because I knew I would need fluids for my long walk to the finish. I pull the gel off and threw it at the trash can. I took the next left and saw the mile 10 flag. I was in so much pain by this point that I couldn't wait to get to it. I stopped right at the mile marker and stopped my watch, immediately took a right off the course and started walking back up the hill via the sidewalk. It felt really good to stop. I had been putting in double the effort in an attempt to maintain a decent pace through the pain the last 3 miles will still dropping a 7:30 mile for mile 9. I never would have made it. Walking felt good at first, then the emotions got to me. All of the spectators and runners were staring at me, and I just couldn't hold back the tears. I wish I had had my sunglasses for this part. I had walked almost back to the top of the hill. It felt like 10 minutes, but it was probably more like 5 or 6. All of a sudden, I hear a woman yell out my name. It was Bridget Ferrin-Smith! I hadn't seen Bridget in over 4 years! She said something encouraging at she ran down the hill, then said, "...Or come run with me!" I stopped, looked back and said out loud, "That's actually a good idea," then turned back and continued walking a few yards before stopping again. I stood there looking down the road and said, "Fuck it." I got my watch set and jumped back on the course headed for Bridget.

That decision was the right one. Running with Bridget lifted my spirits and gave me an enjoyable 5 more miles before I officially called it quits. Bridget used to beat me back in the day, so we're both competitive runners. Today, we were running over an 8-min pace because our bodies were currently failing us. She with a heart condition (enlarged heart!) and me with the tendinopathy. We talked and laughed the entire way. A comrade and such weird perfect timing. Bridget had been the woman who yelled out, "Go, Leslie Beckwith!" on the Beltline portion of the course earlier (I didn't know it was her until it came up as we ran). That's how long it had been since we last saw each other, and, now all of a sudden when I needed a friend the most, she was there. I would have given anything to continue to the finish with her, but even at the 8++ minute pace, I was still in too much pain. I had actually planned to run all the way to the base of the Park St hill with her, but, funny enough, right at the mile 10 marker headed back (so now a little over 14 miles in the race), my intestinal issues got the better of me and I had to stop and wish her well on her way.

My walk back to the finish was long, but I was in a much better place. Acceptance had happened quickly. John found me as soon as I got there which made me happy. I got to watch all of the first finishers which was super cool. Did I feel like a loser and failure still? Well, yes, but I also felt I made the right decision for sure. The self-defeating stuff will always be there, but it will fade over time. I needed this race to stop my stubborn self from ruining my body. I was already pretty close. It stung a little to watch the people I was running close to finish, but it still made me happy for them and also lifted my spirits, especially talking to my masters women friends, Karolyn Bowley and Tammy Richards. The three of us stuck together pre-race and lined up together. There's something different about our attitude that made us want to hang together. We were all really nervous, but we were still laughing and really supportive of each other, even as we stood on the line. You can just barely see me in this start line photo by the Burlington Free Press, but you can see that I'm laughing. There's something about encouraging each other as you're being competitive. It's what I've enjoyed the most about being in the company of masters. Tammy and Karolyn would end up going 1st and 2nd for masters women. I was 3rd when I dropped and looking at the results, had I gutted it out through the pain to finish, I would have very likely stayed 3rd master, but I honestly couldn't endure the pain for that long. It would have been stupid. I still ran 15 miles, and that was more than I really should have.

So now what? Well, it's time to stop running for a bit. I have no idea how long. I had planned to keep running every other day with low miles, but that was only if I could run without pain. I can't do that, so it's no running for awhile. I'll do a test run every now and then, but probably nothing on the road. I'm now working the water stop at the Cranmore Mountain Race instead of running it. It will be weird not doing Cranmore since I've run it the last 7 years. I'm really sad about that, but at least I'll still be out there. I've decided to walk the Mt Washington Road Race instead of run it. To be honest, it probably won't be that much slower than I run it. Hahaha. I have to ride down in a vehicle this time which kind of bums me out, but whatever. I think I will actually enjoy Mt Washington for the first time ever this year by just walking it. Haha. I AM going to run Ribfest. How fast will just depend on how I'm feeling that day. I want to get in the Grand Prix race and help the masters team. It's 3 weeks out from now which will obviously not be enough time to heal, and I will have barely run, but if I'm even close to pain-free, it may not be a bad race. Not worried about it, though. However I finish is fine with me. I had already planned no racing the last two weeks of June so that's good. I'll be at Loon even if it's just hiking instead of running. And then Run with the Beavers the following week for sure. After that, who knows? Hopefully, Run 4 Kerri so that I can beat my arch rival, Rowan Pelletier! Haha. In case you forgot...

Hopefully with Rowan being bigger now, he will slow Matt down. Haha.

So anyway, I kind of wrote this all out of order. The weekend was a short one this time around. We did the usual expo and Invited Runners thing. I have take a moment to thank Lyman Clark here for going above and beyond by getting John from the start to the finish line and just for being so super supportive of me even when I told him there was a chance I might DNF, and then when I did told me I did the right thing and welcomed me back for next year.  He was also going to rescue John and me from the campground when my car battery died race morning (fortunately I found someone at the campground instead). I also have to thank Christina Stadolnik and Jill Pelletier for taking John with them at the start while Lyman was taking care of us. I couldn't get to the start line of some of these bigger races without the help from other people with John. It helps that he's self sufficient now, but I do still need help sometimes, and it's tough when you have zero support in your everyday life. The people in the running community are my friends and family so I'm going to struggle a bit these next few months of little racing. The isolation is going to kill me. Haha.

Some photos from the weekend. I took very few....

Traditional photo under the tree picture. I was a little sad this time, though.

Forgot to juice before I left home so I bought this.

Beer with dinner

John before the start

Invited runners before the start

John at the finish

I ended up running just over 39 miles for the week total. I ran very short miles every day except Friday when I took Phoenix on a hike up White Ledge instead. Got in some kayaking on Chocorua Lake. Nothing to highlight really other than some photos.

She did this herself.

Funny shirt that gets handed down at John's school

My sister bought me a new pair of shoes. I was going to buy them myself since they were only $45, but I didn't have the money to spend so she bought them instead. I LOVE them.

Cake from Memorial Hospital. They care more about us than our own company.

Club Motorsports detail on Thursday

I finally had to say goodbye to my nails, so I cut them off. Rather than peel the acrylic off my nails since it will leave damaged nails exposed, I'm just going to let it grow out, so I had to paint my nails over it. Looks weird, but it's the best way to get rid of the acrylics. I'm really sad to see my nails go, but it's an expense I just can't justify or even afford anymore. Maybe in a few months I can do it again, but I doubt it.

Now, all I see is old hands. :(

Getting my water bottles ready for the elite table. I'd end up using only 3 of them.

Slap in the face, impersonal Subway card from our company for EMS week.

First Lady Slipper sighting of the year

Loop hike with Phoenix over White Ledge on Friday...

Chocurua Lake kayak...

Inside joke photo

How I wait for John to get out of school. Haha.

The usual evening with Phoenix.

One last thing. I purposely posted my last two blog posts at the same time because one of them was, well, a bit on the negative side and I kind of wanted to hide it on purpose. The one titled "2018 Children's Museum 5K". But then I realized the last blog post wouldn't really make sense without it. I noticed it has barely been read by anyone. I wrote most of it over 3 weeks ago so it's how I was feeling then. I'd still like to hide it, but I decided it's kind of important to the "Race Directing" post so it doesn't seem as vague.