Loon Mt Race 2019

Loon Mt Race 2019

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

I Went on a Date!

Saco River Brewing Clearwater Ale at the 302 Smokehouse with a view of my favorite mountains
I bet that title caught your attention! It's like hell froze over, huh? I couldn't think of a better title since I missed the Ascutney Mountain Race. The title was going to be Recovery Week, but how boring does that sound? Instead I decided to cut right to the chase to announce that I went on a date! Haha. I think what's actually the most shocking about this is that I actually AGREED to go on a date. Most guys (although there have only been very few in the 4.5 years of my single life) get a thanks, but no thanks response. I guess you could actually call this my first real date ever. I've had a couple of others come close, but for various reasons, they couldn't be called an actual date. I never went on an actual date with my ex-husband, and the only dates I went on in high school were pre-dance group dates. Haha. So, yes, at age 43, I actually went out on my first real official date. Sad, right? Well, after this date, I'm thinking that I was actually lucky not to have ever gone out on a date, and now I'm very reluctant to ever do it again. I bet you didn't think that's how this was going to go, did you? Haha.

It started with a message out of the blue on Thursday night. Dude must be a pro at making the first move because he actually made me laugh instead of blocking him. I didn't really know him, but I knew who he was, and we had been to a couple of the same races in the last year. So he's runner. No surprise there. And he's my age. Even better. We chatted for a bit and then he actually asked if I wanted to go out. He didn't do the, "Well, if you're ever up for a beer, let me know" thing that nearly every guy that's messaged me since I got divorced has thrown at me. Those guys never make it to a first date. And they usually aren't guys I'd be interested in in the first place. This guy seemed pretty normal and possibly fun so I figured why the hell not. Let's do it. We made plans to meet at the 302 Smokehouse on Saturday which was about an 1:10 from his house. And basically 15 minutes for me. I couldn't believe it. This guy was actually going to make an effort for me?? That's basically unheard of (except that's the only credit Stupidface will ever get. He drove 3 hours here to spend the day with John and me. Other than that, he was a snake). I have been so used to no one making an effort for me that this seemed really refreshing. He also seemed nice. So I was excited.

Well, the first red flag should have been that his Facebook page is filled with photos of him with a recent (as in two weeks ago) girlfriend. I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe they broke up. However, that would mean a guy who's moving on way too quickly, IMO, since that usually implies he can't be alone. Not my kind of guy. (Stupidface actually said to me, "I can't be alone," which was his first red flag within the first week. How I let it get past that, I'll never understand.)

The second red flag was that he got very put off when he asked if he could give me his number and I replied, "As long as you don't make me talk on the phone." He wrote that he was surprised by that since "our generation was built on the phone". Exactly. Pure torture. And "our generation" hovers between Gen X and Millennial; I hardly have a thing in common with Gen X. I fit nearly every category of Millennial, so, um, yeah, I don't talk on the phone unless I have to. So dodged a bullet there. He compromised with texting. Haha.

We chatted quite a bit on Friday with him asking me a lot of personal questions. I was going to save that for the actual date. As the day wore on with the questions and my answers, I got the feeling he was regretting asking me out. Haha. The biggest problem was that he held me on this pedestal prior to messaging me on Thursday night. He thought I was pretty and probably cool since I have decent genetics to help me run fast-ish. I don't know, but I had the feeling by Friday night that he was already disappointed that I wasn't living up to his expectations. I was basically set up to fail. I don't think he liked my reality which meant not being free at his beckon and call. I'm not going to apologize for putting my son first. I won't apologize for being a mom which means my lack of free time. I won't apologize if I look my age. And I won't apologize if I'm not the dream girl you thought I was. That's your problem, not mine.

By the end of Friday night, he got kind of weird and made several sexual innuendos. I'm no prude, but that's just weird at this point. And using the word "Gotcha" over and over, which usually means you get it, but you're bored. Brought up how I looked again and I realized that this all stemmed from me putting up a 2 year old photo of me from Cranmore as my FB cover photo. I've aged a lot in 2 years, but it's still a great photo. I took it down as soon as I got home after the date and put a current Cranmore photo up of me far, far away. Haha.

By Saturday morning, I had a bad feeling. I still couldn't wait to go out, but my gut said that I'd already disappointed him. Now, I regret trying to look nice, but I don't look nice anymore on purpose. No reason to try. Now I really don't want to try again. But anyway I tried to be a little more enthused that I was actually going out with someone and that part would be nice at least.

Ok, so after all of that^^, I don't want to make it seem like this guy is total douchebag because he seemed like an alright pretty normal guy and everything started out ok. I thought we actually some decent conversation and had some things in common. He did however bring up at least 3 other women runners in their 20s, though, which I didn't think much of until later that night (I'll get to that). So through eating lunch I thought everything was going fine until he asked me if I wanted to move from our table to some other seats at the side of the deck to give the table behind us "some space". I'm pretty sure that it wasn't for them but because he was annoyed. It was larger table with kids so I'm not sure if it was the kids or just too loud or what, but I didn't notice a single thing. I was fine to move, though. At this point, parts of the conversation got odd. The day before, he wanted to move up here and work at Kennett. I told him that Gorham paid better. He said he didn't know how living there would be with having a social life as a single guy. Umm, ok. So that was basically saying he wasn't interested and that we were just pals out for lunch? It was just a weird thing to say. Meanwhile, in the back of my head, I'm still wondering about this (ex)girlfriend and why he has yet to bring her up. He talked about his divorce, but not a recent breakup, so I was pretty positive he was just here to test the waters. I didn't bother asking about her because I knew this "date" was going to be the first and last.

The most comical thing to happen was when he asked me what music I liked, but then before I could answer, told me not to say anything because he was sure he knew already and was going to tell me. Hahaha. Except for country music, he couldn't have been more wrong. He said that he thought I was into 90s music, especially Dave Matthews Band, Blues Traveler and Phish. I laughed and said that that is actually my least favorite music and that I never liked those bands (except a few DMB songs) and had zero interest in 90s music. Why would I want to relive my awkward high school and college years? It doesn't mean there aren't songs I still like, but I would never go out of my way to listen to 90s music. I am the complete opposite of that. I live in the present with my music tastes. I'm constantly finding new music to listen to. I'm all about moving on, not living in the past. And to be listening to 90s music would make me feel stuck in the past. So I totally shot him down there and pretty much sealed the deal when I saw that disappointment in his face that I didn't care a thing about UGA football (my alma mater).

It was right around this time he started looking at his watch. WTF. If I'm out with another fucking guy who keeps staring at his watch, after the 3rd look, I'm just going to walk out. I can't stand it. It's just so fucking rude. Finally after like the 6th look at his watch he said he had to get home to his dog. OUCH. Haha. Wow. Not that there wasn't some truth to that because I can relate, but seriously? You couldn't come up with something better? Then he took his 2nd trip to the bathroom, came out and we parted ways. He told me to text him when I got home. I texted him right after he left to thank him for "dunch" and  I got back, "My pleasure. No problem." Another ouch! No problem? Seriously. So he's making it very clear that he was not interested which was fine, but just the way he did it.

So I decided to stop at Walmart to boost my self esteem and get John some snacks, but this was the first time in the history of the North Conway Walmart that the place was ghost town. I texted someone and told them I was headed to the Ossipee Family Dollar next. Haha. I was just pulling into the neighborhood when he texts me to ask if I was safe. I told him I stopped at the store. "John request." He asks what I got. I tell him. He responds, "Well played Jonathan." I was seriously about to write, "Who's Jonathan?" when it dawned on me he meant John. His name isn't Jonathan. I never once referred to him as Jonathan. He either didn't care enough to remember my kid's name or he did it on purpose. I don't know which. I only let it go because I hoped this conversation was over for good.

But, noooo. He had acted totally uninterested, but now that he was pounding a 4-pack of beer, I seemed awesome again and he started texting me again... until there was a pause. Haha. Meanwhile I was texting one of my friends who knew I was going on this date how it went. She was actually one of the young women he casually mentioned at the 302. All of a sudden, she sends me a screen shot of his Instagram private messages to her! Hahaha. He's talking about his dog and her dog so she thought it seemed innocent, but knowing he brought her up earlier and now this meant there was probably some interest there. And as another friend I had told about the date said after I told him that this guy was messaging this girl, "Dog pic is the new dick pic." Hahahahaha. So my friend purposely mentions her boyfriend and then stops replying to him.

So guess who's back on the table? Me! But then it just got weird. Talked about how I seemed comfortable in my nakedness (since my sundress had an open back). Then said he wished he could come drink wine with me and sleep over. Really, dude? Now I know what he was really looking for. Not that that's abnormal, but no fucking way was that happening. I'm not a piece trash. I made that clear, and he actually seemed irritated and wrote some things that made no sense to me, but then wouldn't explain. I was happy that conversation ended right after that. I hoped I didn't hear from him again.

But I did. Fortunately not until late morning after I'd had time to come up with a mature, non-accusatory way of saying I'm not interested. I had to nip this one in the bud right away. There was no way I was going to let him pull a Stupidface on me and get the upper hand. I learned that beating around the bush instead of ending our (non)relationship weeks beforehand allowed him to "dump" me first and then act like he was so sorry for hurting me when I couldn't stand the guy by that point. But anyway. In
response to his message, I threw it out there. Told him I had good time (which for much of it was true), that it was awesome that he drove all of that way for me, but, "I don't think we clicked." I said I didn't want to keep the conversation going without being honest. He said he felt the same way and that he figured we both had already noted the lack of click and we're moving forward in more of a friends capacity. Ooookay. Your late night texts said otherwise. But whatever. I'm glad I ended whatever that was right away.

Just really odd. And you know it wasn't a totally horrible time. I enjoyed hanging out at one of my favorite places drinking Saco River Brewing beer on a gorgeous day. I probably would have left there feeling fine about it had he not looked at his watch and then said he had to get back to his dog. There were other oddities in the conversation that I mentioned, but the other stuff just ruined it. To give him some credit, I don't dislike him. I don't think he's a bad guy at all. He's someone I could run into and have a drink with and probably have a good time. And his dog is really cute.

Hopefully, he realizes that what he already has for a woman is probably worth keeping. She's childless and a hell of a lot prettier than me. I hated to be the one used for testing the waters and that I was such a disappointment, but whatever. No real harm done at all, and it provided me with a good story to tell here! It just sucks that that's apparently all I'm good for, though. Just messing with for awhile until they realize I don't meet their expectations and they should probably just go back to what they had/have. That's exactly what Stupidface did, but fortunately, his ex-girlfriend private messaged me saying he was trying to get back with her but she felt that he wasn't a good person and wanted to know what I thought. Well, I told her what I thought and she did the right thing and didn't go back to him. So he moved onto being a Tinder whore. So happy I was able to save one woman for sure and maybe 2 others I was able to warn ahead of time. Funny, that this whole unproductive date actually correlated with my very brief time with Stupidface. Brings back the feelings of being angry at myself for thinking these guys actually liked me instead of the pedestal me, the idea of me. And now I'm actually thinking that's how every single one of them who has shown some interest only liked the idea of me and would have been/was disappointed as well. But I'm seriously not dwelling on it believe it or not. It's just taught me now to be even more picky than I already was. And skeptical. Luckily, I'm independent and perfectly happy with being alone. Although I could use a man to start my lawnmower, shovel the snow and fix the roof, I'm not that desperate. Haha.

Well, oops. I didn't actually mean to publish this post yet but it looks like I hit publish by accident. So I guess I'll leave it and then do another one later.


2 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now so even though I've never met you and definitely don't "know" you know you, I feel like I do a little bit. I can see how people would put you on a pedestal - You save people's lives for a living; you run up freaking mountains and have practically superhuman physical abilities; you're a stupendous mom and dog person; and, just speaking objectively, you're gorgeous. Those things are all incredible and any one of them would warrant positive attention from the boys. But anyone who actually takes the time to read your blog sees what makes you actually pedestal-worthy: Your strength of character. Your honesty. Your loyalty. Your genius for telling your story without hiding any of the flaws and hardships and struggles that we all share, but that most of us work extremely hard to hide. Those are the qualities that make you amazing and a gift and a delight. Maybe your "date" couldn't see you for who you really are. Maybe he never got past the Leslie who wears a SuperMom/SuperAthlete/SuperSaver cape. His loss. When I think of you I think of a woman who draws her strength and beauty from the mountains she calls home. You're one of New Hampshire's natural wonders. Thanks for your writing. It inspires me every time I read it.

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    1. Wow. Thank you. I appreciate your very kind words. Very well thought out. Again. Thank you.

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