2018 Hartford Marathon

New photo on my poster this year.

I have so many mixed emotions over this race this year, and 2 days post-race I'm still all over the place with it. So many reasons to feel happy about my race, yet I still can't help also feeling sad, disappointed and embarrassed at the same time. I know that I "shouldn't" feel any of those last three, but I can't help it. I'm feeling what I'm feeling no matter what. It was emotional just going into it. I was disappointed before I ever even toed the line. I was disappointed when I saw my poster. I felt like a fraud. I was disappointed when I stood on the start line with an elite bib. I didn't belong there today, and I probably never will again. I went into this knowing the outcome. I told anyone who kept saying, "You'll do great!" that, no, I won't. Why can't people just accept that you know and stop telling you you're going to do well? I know they mean well, but it just sucks that no one believed me when my token response was, "I'll be lucky to break 3:10." Well, guess who just barely broke 3:10? This girl! I guess it confuses people when I can go out and do well in trail/mountain races, but it's the speed on the roads that I can't do. And if you compare my trail/mountain stuff prior to this injury, I'm significantly slower.

I know myself. I knew what I was(n't) capable of. I didn't do one bit of road marathon training for this. Not one long road run (I don't consider one 14 mile road run a long run). And why didn't I do them? Because I'm injured. Could I have pulled off the long road runs, even if at a slower pace? Sure. But, that mostly likely would have meant a repeat of Vermont City with a DNF. There was absolutely no chance that I was going to DNF at Hartford (even though the thought did cross mind halfway haha). I had to make a choice. Either DNS/DNF or go in less than half-assed and finish the fucking race. I chose the latter, even though I knew eyes were on me and the talk behind my back would ensue. The worst part is what's going on in my own head.

It's a struggle to know I should be ecstatic to run a 3:09:23 on no training and with an injury. A 3:09 is a good time! But for me, it isn't. It's shit. But I suppose it IS good if you think of my circumstances. It wasn't like the 2014 Boston Marathon when I ran a PR without any training either. That was more just a choice to be lazy. This time, I was injured. It was the reason I couldn't train. I could have saved face and gone with a DNS, but instead I decided to put myself out there and risk the embarrassment and disappointment. I wanted to be there. I wanted to experience what will probably be my last New England's Finest invite. I wanted to prove to myself that I could finish the marathon this time. Writing this is actually bringing me to tears for the first time since the race. I didn't realize until now just how emotional this would make me. Wow. I was actually perfectly fine after the race, but I guess it's taken a bit to process.

I haven't actually broken my training down since my Vermont City DNF and the two weeks off, so I'm going to do that now.

Week starting June 11, 2018 and ending October 7, 2018

Week 1- 27.4 miles
Week 2- 21.9 miles
Week 3- 29.2 miles
Week 4- 37.1 miles
Week 5- 35.9 miles
Week 6- 24.2 miles
Week 7- 44.8 miles
Week 8- 36.6 miles
Week 9- 49.9 miles
Week 10- 43.8 miles
Week 11- 35.6 miles
Week 12- 45.3 miles
Week 13- 51.4 miles
Week 14- 31.3 miles
Week 15- 59 miles (Highest Mileage week!)
Week 16- 39.4 miles
Week 17- 9.6 miles

Number of ROAD runs 10 miles or more

Eight!!! Over 17 weeks.
10, 10.3, 11, 10, 11.2, 13, 11, 14

The teary eyes are dry. Now, I'm laughing! Haha. Wow. That is NOT marathon training. That's not even half marathon training. That's the training of a casual runner! Makes feel a little better at least. Granted, I've never been a high mileage runner, but I was generally in the 50-65ish mile range when I trained for my 2:55 marathon at VCM in 2015. And I trained HARD. I can't say I have much from those 17 weeks that would qualify as "hard". Haha. I was destined to fail, and I knew it.

Race Recap

John and I left Friday mid-morning to head to Hartford. Minutes before we left, the FedEx guy showed up with my Topo Athletic Shoes that I'd ordered with my 50% discount for being on the National Snowshoe racing team. I opened the box quickly and put them on. They felt good so I decided, "What the hell. I think I'll race in these tomorrow." Haha. It's a little less than a 4 hour drive, but I had to make a few stops on the way so it ended up taking us 4 hours almost exactly. Goal arrival time was 3pm. We pulled into the Red Lion Hotel at 2:57pm. Not bad. The drive had been easy.

This has been the host hotel for the three years I've run this except it had changed from a Radisson to Red Lion in the last year. It's a decent hotel, and everything related to New England's Finest (NEF'ers) is all located there which makes it super easy to navigate. After dropping things in our room, we went down to the Manhattan Room to get my bib, shirts and Elite tags. Ken was there as always. It was great to have that welcoming face again. He's always kept an eye on John in the VIP area for me and is just super nice and supportive. We chatted a bit and then I went back up to the room.

I've already worn both. Haha.

The sadness and disappointment were already kicking in as I looked at my NEF shirt and elite tag. I didn't deserve to be here. We headed down to the XL Center where the expo was since I booked a 20 minute massage. My neck and back had been killing me as usual so I had him work on that and my hips a bit. It felt great. Stupidly, I didn't think about taking photos at my poster beforehand. Now my face was all mushed and my hair a rat's nest from the massage. Oh well. I wasn't really feeling it anyway. I felt like I'd gained 5lbs overnight and felt ugly in general. Just a bunch of self-defeating crap going through my head at the time. Fortunately, my spirits were brightened a bit by running into people I knew, and we all chatted by my poster. Haha. Bruce Christensen, Bob Fitzgerald (Fitz) and Michelle LeBrun. It definitely made things brighter for a moment.

I look horrible.

 I didn't do the usual fun by the poster like the last two years. Instead, I decided to spoof Christin Doneski's poster for her since she couldn't be there.

After that, we went outside and I had John take a photo of the outside poster which had such a glare on it that you couldn't really see it.

I got John a Starbucks drink and then we walked back to the hotel to have the pasta dinner the race puts on for us. John decided to take up Pokemon Go! again while we were here, just like he did in 2016. It was kind of neat to see that he also had a bit of nostalgia here.

The race details said the dinner would start at 5pm so I showed up to find it not ready yet, just like last year. Luckily, Mike and Christina Stadolnik were waiting, too, so I sat with them. They're super nice and I've gotten to know them a bit over the last few years since our paths have crossed some. Morgan Kennedy, Jason Lancaster and this really nice woman named Christine joined us. All of us except Morgan would end up eating together when it finally opened. I was grateful for that since I didn't know many people here this year, and I ended up with such nice people for dinner. When I was done, I made John a plate and brought it back to him in the room.

I spent a bit getting all of my stuff together. My post-race bag and then the 3 choices of outfits for the next day. I was pretty sure I knew what I was going to wear, but I still made the final decision in the morning. I did my usual rituals. Epsom Salt bath. Brought my one pre-race beer in there with me. Unfortunatly, I didn't have my lucky beer, Stoneface Porter, but my substitute was actually better, and no lucky beer was going to help me the next day.

The change of hotel companies meant no more glasses.

We watched TV a bit, and I looked at stuff on my phone just trying to take my mind off the race, but it didn't work. I was really nervous. Poor John was the only one I had to talk to about all of this so he was probably happy when I shut up and went to sleep. I actually slept pretty well. I woke up a few times to check the time thinking I'd overslept every time, but I didn't and went right back to sleep. The 5am alarm was still too early, though.

I got up, made coffee (priorities!) and then picked out the outfit I knew I would. One I would be easily missed in. No team singlet, just a black tank and black skirt and my new Italian visor. I just wanted to hide. I ate the usual Trader Joe's Banana protein muffins; they're very small so I usually eat 3, but I could only stomach 2. This had me a bit worried. Digestion for me with this gut problem is very slow. At night, my abdomen is usually so bloated due to this. I still eat plenty, but anytime I stuff my face with a lot of food, I regret it. I started to worry about my race fuel. Would I actually digest the gels? I never thought of this until now when two small muffins (260 calories) felt like I had just eaten the Country Boy Breakfast (over 1000 calories) at the Cracker Barrel. I was also worried about how my gut would hold up for the race; I had to consider the fact that I might end up in the porta potty. Ugh. Luckily, I didn't have any problems!

I don't normally eat soy, but for some reason these muffins usually do well for me pre-marathon

Once I got John up, we walked down to the park. The skies were darker than usual. The forecast showed 47 degrees and rain starting right around race time and stopping right around my projected finish time. John is so old hat at this that as soon as we walked into the VIP area, he went right to the couches in the VIP trailer. I set my stuff down in our tent, and he was gone. Haha. Found him already lounging. :)

I went right out for a mile warm up not just to loosen up and see how the tendons were but to double check that the Topo shoes would be ok. I'd never even tried this brand, but they felt great and so much better for my plantar fasciitis than the worn down Brooks Pureflow's I had planned to wear. This is NOT the first time I've done this before a marathon. I've also worn brand new shoes I've never tried prior to two Boston Marathons. When I know they're right, I can feel it. These were right. And I wouldn't be wrong! Haha.

The week off from running prior to today hadn't helped on my left side, but fortunately, I at least had zero pain on the right side. It wouldn't last the whole race, but I made to about 16 before I started feeling anything on the right side. Sadly, the left wasn't improved at all. I can say that I have been in less pain than I was at VCM at least, but that really isn't saying much since I was still in pain. I was nervous. Knowing I was about to start a marathon I didn't train for while feeling injury pain did not give me a boost of confidence.

When I came back from the warm up, sprinkling rain began. I was sweating under my sweats, though, so I didn't change my plan for the race. I'd wear light gloves but nothing else warm. I was actually looking forward to this weather as long as the rain wasn't heavy.

I hit the bathroom a few times, changed out of my warm clothes and then walked with the group to the start. I lined up with fellow masters, Shannon Siragusa (who would end up as first master in 2:54:55!!) and Tammy Richards. Tammy was somewhat in my same boat except hers was sudden and unexpected. After a sub-3 marathon at VCM, her training continued perfectly for Hartford until 2 weeks ago when thay dreaded pain in the right hamstring reared its ugly head. I could tell she was really nervous about it, and unfortunately, it would end up getting her early on. She finished the race limping almost the entire way and in a disappointing time for her in 3:05:06.

The rain was a little heavier at this point but would stay a fairly light rain for the whole race. I was cold in the starting corral, but I knew I'd be warm quickly. I stupidly had a high goal of 3:05 in my head at this point. I don't know why, but I thought I could maybe pull it off even though I knew I'd struggle to break 3:10. That 3:05 thought started me off on the wrong foot right at the gun.

I took off with Tammy for the first mile. This mile is always fast, but it actually ended up being a slower split for me than usual, and I enjoyed having Tammy's company for a bit. Shannon was just ahead, but by mile 2 they both started moving ahead. I let them go. Despite the left hamstring tendon pain, I felt good, which also didn't help. I did struggle on every incline with the tendon pain, but otherwise I was good. There was such a disconnect between my mind, my cardiovascular fitness and my legs that I couldn't do anything right today. I stupidly went off like a bat out of hell for the first 4 miles before finally reeling it in a bit for miles 5 and 6. I still hit the 10K mark WAY too fast in 41:57. 6:45 avg pace. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I made an effort to slow down more and did pretty well. I felt super comfortable at the pace I was at. I normally feel worn out a bit at mile 10 on this course for some reason, but today, I felt ok. I was feeling some heaviness in the legs, but it didn't seem unusual. Mile 11 is a bit tough with a few rollers so I was worried when I saw 7:09 for this mile and that's when I had the passing thought of dropping, but there was no way. I was finishing this today. I knew I could. When I hit the halfway mark, I actually thought to myself. Another one of what I just did? Easy. 1:30:48 at the half. I was actually really happy with that. I ran a 1:29:30 for the first half last year so this seemed reasonable.

I felt pretty decent for the next miles. The cool temps and the rain actually felt great. At this point I really thought 3:05 was a possibility. I took my water bottle and gel off the elite fluids table. I could barely stomach the gel. It felt like the first gel was still sitting in my stomach. I honestly don't know if they were any help to me at all. My worry about my digestion issues could very well have been true. It would explain a lot of my fueling problems during some of my runs.

Miles 14 & 15 were a little slow and my legs were starting to feel heavier but I still felt good enough to pick up the pace slightly as we started the gentle incline on mile 16. Mile 17 is the longest "hill" of the course. Considering the hill, I knew I would have a slow mile and then planned to pick it up on the downhill after that. 7:16 for that mile. I was ok with that. I really couldn't do uphill with any speed. I expected to drop back under 7 min for mile 18, but it didn't happen. It was like a sudden punch in the face. At mile 18, my lack of fitness caught up to me. My race would go downhill so fast from this point on. My legs were suddenly nothing but lead, every bit of them. Quads, hamstrings, calves and not to mention the tendon pain that was now bilateral. Hahaha. It was crazy, though, once again, like the 5K and the 10K, I felt like I was taking it too easy. I didn't feel at my max. I was giving everything the legs had, but they were just physically unable to move faster. They were certainly capable of moving slower, though. Every mile from 18 on got slower and slower (except mile 22 which was a second faster than mile 21 haha). Looking at my splits from 22 on, you'd think I hit the wall, but it was only a part of me that hit the wall. 7:31, 7:44, 7:51.... I didn't actually feel bad or tired, believe it or not. It's a good sign that I do have some fitness there at least, but a bad sign when my legs just stopped working.  Bruce Christensen and Todd Brown pedaled up alongside me. I was able to talk to them without difficulty. I gave this awesome cheering guy at a water stop a fist bump. It was such a strange experience. The last two miles were a shuffle, but it was all I had. People were passing me and trying to give me words of encouragement which I hate. I didn't respond. I could have easily, but I didn't need their good jobs and keep it ups. Fuck off. I don't really mean that personally, but it's how I felt every time someone would say something like that to me as they passed.

I kept checking my watch, I couldn't believe it. I wasn't sure I was going to break 3:10! Omg. 5 miles ago, I thought 3:07 was still possible! I saw the finish shoot. I checked my watch. 3:08. I saw Michelle and made a meh face. I turned the corner. I saw Scott Mason. I couldn't smile. I had to focus on breaking 3:10! I saw the clock ahead. I knew I could do it. I came through in 3:09:23. 16th female and 5th master.

I'm usually dead at this point. Like out of breath, needing water, slapping the heat sheet off my back, but I was fine. Ken was helping with the heat sheets so stopped to get one from him. I talked to him for a few seconds before walking into the VIP and made a beeline right for the beer. Normally, I'm still struggling to recover by now, but nope. I didn't feel that normal fatigue. It was so weird. You'd think I didn't leave it all out there on the course, but I did. Part of me did anyway. And that's what I mean by that disconnect. It is so hard to figure out and work around. I feel good and then suddenly my legs just die. Ugh.

I got my beer and went right into the VIP trailer to say hi to John. He was grabbing a plate of food. The food here is awesome, so it's too bad I can't stomach food for a few hours after a marathon. I can never eat it. But John was my actual companion this year so he was entitled to have whatever he wanted in there. (All NEF'ers are allowed a companion who gets free entry into the race and all the VIP perks. This year, I didn't offer it to anyone since I felt like I should use it for John for once instead of basically having two companions like I have the last two years.)

I went back to the tent to change clothes even though I was surprisingly not cold at all in my soaking wet clothes under the heat sheet. I was in no hurry for once. I chatted with Jason and Tammy a bit before finally putting on dry clothes. After I came out, Morgan and Jason invited me along to Hog River Brewery with their group, but I sadly had to decline since John and I needed to walk back to the hotel and then head home. I hate that. I rarely get invited anywhere and then I had to turn it down. Ugh. It was the right thing to do, though. For John's sake since he had just hung out at yet another race for me. I grabbed another beer and sat with John on the cozy couch. For the first time, they gave us our posters to take home post race. That was nice. I like having them even though they just sit covered up in a corner in my room. If I had a real home "gym", I would hang them up in there as motivation, but I just don't have the space, and I'm not going to hang them up in the regular part of the house. That would just be weird.

I ended up talking to Christina and Mike post race. Most other people had already left by the time I finished. Haha. I think I said goodbye to them like 4 times because we kept running into them over and over and over before we all finally left the hotel. It actually became a joke. Haha.

Back at the hotel, I showered, then John and I left Hartford. As I drove away, I had a feeling this would be the last time I'd be at this race for awhile. Unless by some miracle I can get healed up, have enough to time to train for Boston and can pull off a good race, I will no longer be considered worthy of "New England's Finest." It's been a good run. Two women's masters championships. One of them a 2:57. I can't complain. I hope to be back some day. I'm going to do my best to get there.

Here are my splits if you want to see how NOT to run a marathon...Hahaha.

Full Results.

Oh! I almost forgot! The shoes! The shoes turned out to be awesome. Such a good decision!

Topo Fli-Lyte 2

The ride home would be the most painful post-race drive I've ever done. It was brutal. Oh how I wished for a chauffeur! It felt good to be home in the quiet woods walking the dogs. I could have walked for miles, but it was dark and drizzly. Instead, I opened a beer and plopped on the couch with Phoenix.

I hate to be there bearer of bad news, but this blog isn't over. I decided to write the race part first while I was on a roll with it. Like my last post, I'll keep this part at a minimum.

Running

Like last week, I continued with no running through Wednesday. Total miles, including Hartford: 32.7

Thursday 10/11- Participated in running shoe research and a test run with Saucony. The run was at Tin Mountain in the rain with one of the Saucony people and Victoria Weigold. 2.3 miles in 29:06. More on this later.

Friday 10/12- Wanted to test the tendons at a little faster pace so I ran 3 miles on the treadmill in 22:28. 7:29 avg pace. No elevation. Left tendon pain was present, but otherwise, I felt good.

Spinning 

Monday 10/8- Unplanned 30 minute spin on the bike to recover from dealing with Bryan in person. My only real biking this week.

Sunday 10/14- 10 minutes of light resistance just to loosen up the legs.

Hikes & Walks

Monday- Took the day off work so that I didn't chance it being out all night. Plus, I needed to burn some earned time. I didn't get out until much later than planned due to Bryan and John having issues and then me getting caught in the middle of it. Bryan actually came into the house and it was just like old times. Standing there having a stupid conversation for 1.5 hours before I finally had to walk away. They just don't get along, and Bryan refuses to see his own fault in it. It drained the life out of me.

The weather was gross so I wasn't too upset to change my hiking plans to something shorter. I hadn't done the UNH Trail up Mt Hedgehog in forever so I took Phoenix along with me. The hike is a 4.8 mile loop that I always do clockwise. We ran into people, but it was surprisingly not too bad considering Columbus Day weekend is hands down the WORST weekend of the year to be here. If you have a brain you would NEVER come here that weekend. If you just don't know and you make that mistake once, you will never do it again. Although it is comical. People standing in the middle of the roads for photos. People everywhere with tripods. A family of 20 people walking on a road taking up the whole thing. This place is the Land for the Ridiculous every Columbus Day.

Post-hike, I used my gift certificate to the Black Cap Grill which was fortunately not crowded at 4pm. Kept to myself at the bar and talked to no one but the bartender when he took my order.

Tuesday- Woot another day off to hike. The weather was 70 and sunny. Perfect! But as I drove down to Holderness, it dropped 10 degrees and turned cloudy. So weird. It would end up being a mix of cold and very warm for our hike up Mt Percival and Mt Morgan along the Squam Ridge. There were quite a few people, but we somehow lucked out and had the summits to ourselves. Ran into a few people at the overlook past Mt Morgan where I ran into a couple from Athens! That was kind of neat since they have a summer home in Sandwich. 5.5 miles total. Just under 2 hours total. 1,597ft of elevation gain.

Sunday- Beautiful day to go for a hike. The weather was gorgeous and I needed to move my VERY sore post-marathon legs. I hoped to pick apples in the old orchard like last year, but we arrived to zero apples! I was so bummed, but it was still a great hike. SO beautiful. We meandered for 3.3 miles out and back to the two overlooks.

John made me drive home through the traffic to chase down Pokemon. Haha.

Random other stuff

Bryan found the air pump in his pile of crap when he had to move it off the van seats that had been in the garage. This meant John could finally pump up his bubble balls that his aunt gave him a few years ago. As soon as we got home from school on Tuesday, he went right to it and then forced me to play with him. It was hot out by now so I sweat to death in the plastic ball and it pulled my pony tail out making me look like a crazy person. Haha. I was so afraid of getting hurt, but luckily I was too heavy for John to knock me down and heavy enough to keep knocking John down. Haha. It was fun.

After we were done with the bubble balls, I mowed part of the yard (the mower is working again) and then spent 6 hours cleaning the house for my Saucony guests on Thursday.

Fortunately, no one would be home on Wednesday while I was at work to dirty up the house. I was actually really impressed with my house for my guests. I NEVER have people over so I had to make it look good. Since it was rainy out, my house didn't seem dark and gloomy! I don't use a lot of bright lights since I don't like overhead lighting so I had all of my more dim lights on, and the woman, Julie, walked in and immediately said, "Oh wow! It's so pretty!" I was relieved. I'm pretty self-conscious about my house with its popcorn ceiling, awful bathroom and kitchen. But I will admit it was super cozy, comfortable and clean in there for at least a day. Haha.

So anyway, a "shoe company" reached out to Tom Hooper looking for trail runners to participate in a 2 hour interview in their homes with a friend joining, as well. After the interview, the name of the company would be revealed and we would test the shoes on a 30 minute run and follow up with a 45 minute post-run interview. I completed the survey and was super excited about it until they called and could only do Wednesday up here. The ONLY day I was working this week. Figures. Totally bummed me out. I mentioned it to Tom who worked his magic and got it moved to Thursday! Yay! Paul Kirsch was supposed to join, but he couldn't so Victoria Weigold came over instead.

Our interview ended up going for 3 hours. It was very detailed. They weren't really there for us to test shoes but there to study their market and what makes each of us tick when it comes to buying trail shoes. We went through our current shoes for likes/dislikes. We could only do a few of mine since we didn't have enough time for all 10 pairs. They took photos of us, of my home (all with permission) because they wanted to really study the people they were interviewing. At the end of the 3 hours, Julie asked if I had any idea which company, and I said, "Saucony." Haha. Twice, I noticed Saucony got mentioned by them, but that was my guess anyway prior to the whole thing.

I was given a pair of Peregrine 8 trail shoes. As soon as I put them on, I was in love! They felt awesome right from the start. We drove up to Tin Mountain and ran with Doug for a loop in the rain. They felt so fast and light on my feet. So comfortable with a really solid tread. I tested it out on some wet, green rock and they held. I was very impressed. I can't wait to take them out for a mountain run. We did the last part right at Tin Mountain and then said goodbye. Definitely a fun experience for me.

One last funny thing. Friday morning, I get a message from my old ambulance partner asking, "Is this yours?" with a photo attached...

Why, yes. Yes, it is. Haha. And, no, I didn't lose him. I didn't even know he was gone. He wears a collar when he's with me. And, yes, he was found by Bryan the next morning. Chill has learned how to outrun cops. Haha.

So what's next? Well, within hours of finishing Hartford, I was already thinking about Baystate. Yes, I'm doing it. I plan to run with or near a pace group. I don't care what I run there. Just doing it to finish the Grand Prix. I have no idea if my legs will be ready or not, but I'm leaning towards not. No running until Friday when I have a mountain run planned. If I do anything it will just be easy walking or light resistance on the bike. I have to work 4 days straight so there will be forced rest. I don't know why I'm looking forward to Baystate. It's going to hurt like hell.

Yay for a new Lana song! The "I'm your man" lyrics are quirky, but she tends to do that.