Friday Night Vertical 2021

Friday Night Vertical 2021

Monday, October 29, 2018

Stupidity Recovery

View of Mt Washington from Mt Chocorua
As per Beth's request, I will keep the blog and stream of consciousness going even while I'm not running. Haha. As I recover my legs from my stupid mistakes, I'm realizing just how much my life revolves around running and intense exercise. Other than that, my life is extremely boring. Haha. Kind of sad since I actually am a lot of fun when given a chance. John mostly does his own thing now when he's at home so my mom role is dwindling down to dragging him out for walks, feeding him, telling him to bring his dishes to the sink, do his homework, brush his teeth and put his laundry away. Haha. We do have fun conversations on our walks, but outside of that, I'm realizing just how super dull my life is. There are no groups to join. No activities offered in this "community" (if you can call it that). Anything that one could do costs more than I can afford. I know that I am in the wrong place. I take advantage of the nature part of this place; it's what I love about it. I love my house. But this community isn't for me.

I daydreamed of my Mega Millions win and what I would do with my winnings. So much of it was involved in making this a better place for the locals by investing in spaces where they could be active indoors and actually afford it. It involved giving mega $ to John's school. I thought of all of the people in my life I would give money to, those who have been generous to me knowing I couldn't return it in kind. For myself, I thought of how I could fix up my house and buy my dream car, the new Subaru Ascent (pretty sure someone tapped into my brain to create the exact car that I've wanted for a long time, but now they taunt me with it as I drive past the Subaru dealer every day with the two Ascents looking down at me from the top of the hill). I'd buy all of the cool contraptions to keep my body healthy and fit for running. Regular massage. Buying a place near the city/ocean. Taking John to Europe. You know you won't win these things, but it gave me some "what if" fun to think about for a week. When it was over, it was back to thinking of how dull and pitiful my life really is, but also made me ask myself what can I do about it. I have to change something. I need to figure it out. But like I always write in this blog, I don't know what to do to change it. I feel like life is passing me by right now. I've done so much in my 42 years that I can't complain, but it's all fading away with time, and right now, I don't have much of a story to tell. Without running, I really have nothing that makes me excited and moves me forward every day. I'm starting to just go through the motions. I don't feel depressed. I think anxious is more like it. I'm not generally an anxious person, but I can't think of a better word to describe it. A lot of it could have to do with being in one place for so long. Up until 2011, I hadn't lived in one place for longer than 1.5 years since I was 22. I've been here for 7.5 years now and I still have no "place". No friends, only acquaintances. I live as if I'm always on the verge of leaving, but I'm not.

But, anyway, the point of all of this is that the last week has been tough. My muscles NEEDED to recover so I really had to take a step back and not do anything heavy with the legs. As you know, I normally would substitute running with spinning or something high intensity, but this was different. I had to rest and recover. I'm seeing more clearly now just how stupid my decision to run Baystate really was. The after affects of it have been worse than I thought. I'm not saying I haven't had any fun this past week, but I feel a little lost and empty since I've now had to keep myself from doing normal activities. How do other people do it?! How do they stay so sedentary? How do they live with work being all their lives are about? It makes me think about the people in Wall-E. They are real. They exist. And I'm feeling like them. Ugh.


Ok. I'm definitely being overly dramatic. Haha. I think this is actually normal for those of us obsessed with running. Please. No counterpoint with that. I want to believe I'm right. Haha. My first ever running injury was a sprained ankle in 2013. I took off a week from running. By day 4, I was on the floor of my bedroom leaning against the closet door sobbing because I just wanted to run. Hahaha. I was much more miserable in my regular life then that running is what saved me. I'm not quite that bad now. I'm not crying about it. I have found something to focus on. And this extreme lack of intense exercise is only temporary. But man, how much it suppresses you. Now, I see why so many people are on anti-depressants. Not saying running helps everyone, but I bet there a lot out there who would be off of those medications if they started running. I really don't know the point of anything I just wrote. I'll just say it was all for Beth's benefit at her request to keep my blah, blah, blahs going. You're welcome, Beth! Or is it... I'm sorry? Hahaha.

So what have I focused on? Well, my ass! Literally. My beee-hind is what started this injury mess. So back in the summer of 2014, I really started mountain running hard and fast. I was also lifting weights 3 days a week at that time. I had amazing glutes. Powerhouses. I wasn't injured, and having that ass is what powered me to being suddenly faster than I'd ever been in my life. Those glutes were activated! Haha. But, anyway, here is a before flat, weak ass photo. Hopefully, the next one will show progress on the road to getting that 2014 ass back.

My current flat ass state of affairs

So, like I said, I wouldn't have shared these if it hadn't all gone away with gravity. It started with that gluteal tendon tear in 2015 and then cross-training for 8 weeks only doing things that didn't use much of my glutes. It didn't occur to me until recently that that right-sided glute pain that I had for the first 6 months following my return to running was actually the beginning of my current injury. I spent SO much of 2016 focused on road running and training for 4 road marathons that I didn't realize I'd never restrengthened my glutes. They weren't firing/activating. I was using way more of my hamstrings and quads than I should have, and by the end of the year following the Manchester City Marathon, I had my first ever issue with my hamstrings. I still say to this day that I've never been right since the 2016 Manchester City Marathon, and that's not an exaggeration. I was on that slippery slope until suddenly, the last week of February 2017, I ran a 22 mile run on Thursday and felt some slight soreness in my glutes when I finished. Three days later, I ran the Granite State Snowshoe Championship, and that was the beginning of the end. Two days later, the description under my run was, "Ran easy. Hamstrings and glutes are wicked sore." By the end of that week, I was in a lot of pain. I took 3 days off thinking it was just soreness so I wanted to be ready for the New Bedford HM that weekend. It was this race that I realized something was really wrong when I was unable to get any power from my glutes into the headwind. High Hamstring Tendinopathy. And the rest is history. I did better in 2017 with it by staying more off the road and running a lot of mountains and trails which I think actually made my glutes strong enough to get through the year, but it finally caught up to me...as we all know and are probably super bored of reading about it.

I just wish I had paid attention to do what I needed to do to prevent the problem and then nip it in the bud in the beginning, but it's a stupid injury I could run with so I half ignored it. Well, I've now learned I'm fucked if I don't do the things I need to do to fix it. So after searching Google for the right workout for my butt, Facebook's creepy spying and algorithm finally sent me the right ad in my feed. Simple daily 30 min exercises specifically targeting glute strengthening and activation, while also allowing me to continue the leg recovery. 21 Day Booty Core. I know that title sounds silly, and it's all exercises I know how to do, but I really need the instruction to keep me using the glutes throughout the workout. Day 1 was really easy, but as weak as my glutes are, I still felt it. Now, after Day 5, my entire ass is actually sore. Crazy. Just from 5 30-min workouts. I could have been doing this all along! It's so simple. And crazy, just after 5 days, I'm finding myself squeezing my ass as I'm sitting and driving, without even thinking about it.

This glute activation is just the beginning. I have a greater plan leading all the way up to Boston. It's time to focus, get strong again. Be serious about my training. That doesn't mean I'm going to do any stupid LONG cool downs after races. I still say, "Fuck that. Take me to the beer." But I need to get back in the mindset I had in the 8 weeks leading up to the 2015 Vermont City Marathon. That was successful because I made it a priority. I focused. I changed my diet to be leaner and healthier. I envisioned that first sub-3 every day, through every run. The power of the mind and positivity played a huge roll in my success. I want to come out on the other side knowing that I gave 110% of my effort in my training and on race day so that whatever the outcome, I'm not disappointed.

That's my greater goal. Can I do it? Well, if I can heal myself up properly, first off. So that's where I am now, and like I said before, I'm not done running yet for the season. I want to finish off my plan. Yeah, that's dumb, but I'm doing it. I may run Friday and Saturday this week instead of just waiting until the XC meet, but it will be easy running and ONLY if I have zero soreness in my legs. I decided to spend money that I shouldn't and go see Tina Carr for a deep tissue massage tomorrow. I need it SO badly. Like every part of my body is mess. I'm hoping she can really work out the legs for me. Tina has done wonders for me in the past. It's a shame I haven't been able to continue seeing her because I probably would be much better off right now.

As my top photo suggests, I did have some fun this week. The weather was majorly crappy over the weekend, but I lucked out with two decent hikes. Tuesday didn't start off well since I had a dentist appointment. My company is so cheap that it changed dental insurance on us and only ONE place in the area accepts it. I had to leave my awesome dentist here in Conway for the low-cost county dental office. That doesn't mean it's poor care, but it didn't have the feel of a small dental office. The lady who cleaned my teeth was really cool, though. What sucks is that if I had been able to stay with my old dentist, he would have been able to thoroughly examine my root canal that he did two years ago. I've been having issues with it for the last year now. He was one of the few dentists still around who was able to do all of that work without sending me out to an endodonsist, but now, I'm being referred out to one. I don't even know if my insurance will cover it either so I may not go if it doesn't. I wish I had just had him pull the tooth initially. I paid over $3000 of my own money for that root canal after the insurance maxed out.

As soon as the appointment was over, it was time to get out for a hike. Yay! It was only a short drive back to Albany to hike up White Ledge with Phoenix. It was very gloomy and we got a little misting, but the real rain didn't start until we got back to the car. So it ended up being a really nice hike. Phoenix had so much fun. 4.8 miles total. Had to be a shorter hike so that I could pick up John on time.





Wet dog after coming in from the rain that night
Thursday I worked at the track for my second to last detail there. I got in two 2-mile walks during the day. The views were beautiful, but the wind was cold. Started Day 1 of the Booty Core when I got home.


Snow on the Sandwich Range

Tuesday's rain meant snow in the mountains. I so wasn't ready for it. I used to be excited about the first snow and would get out in it as soon as possible. The last two years, I've had no desire. After being tortured with clearing that white crap, my enthusiasm has waned. My original plan was to find a hike that avoided it, but I realized I needed to get up there in it for a change of attitude. Mt Chocorua glowed with beautiful white in the sun. The skies were blue. I knew I had to pick that one. I went with my usual route up via the Hammond Trail. Not knowing what the snow depth would be with snow drifts and such, I decided to bring along snowshoes. I'd end up not needing them at all, but the microspikes were a MUST. The Hammond Trail is my favorite because it sees so few people. On the way up, I would end up only running into the local dog walker whom I run into every single time I hike the Hammond Trail and then another hiker on his way down. I stopped to chat with him for a bit. He seemed like a really nice guy. I enjoyed our conversation.

Phoenix and I hiked on into the snow. And man, was it beautiful!! Omg. Seriously amazing. I kept stopping for photos. Couldn't help myself. By the time we got to the summit, we had it all to ourselves. I could see a group of 5 or 6 people hiking down and was glad I missed them. We didn't stay long because it was cold, although not overly windy. From the summit back down, it was slow going with footing in the boot prints. I wished I'd had my Leki poles for this part, but they still need new tips. The rest of hike was uneventful and gave me time to get lost in thought. 7.9 miles total. A little slower than normal with the snow and still sore legs. I'm still not ready for the snow, but today made me happy.







She got stuck in a 1.5ft deep boot hole. Haha.




I went straight from there down to the Ossipee Hannaford for groceries and used my coffee card at Irving for a free coffee. Haha. Their coffee isn't bad. By the time I got to John's school, I was warmed up and had some time to sit in my car before John was done. And that's when I got a message request from the guy I had chatted with on the mountain. A friend request followed that. I'd been Facebook stalked. First red flag since that meant he pretty much did that right away. Second red flag was the last sentence of his message since it included the word "love" in it. "Love to stay connected with you..." The ultimate red flag was the first thing I saw after looking at his profile.


Ok. What the fuck is it with me and my married guy magnet?! I must have a sign on my back that says, "I enjoy being used, treated like an invisible person and then tossed out with the trash when I become too real and no longer exciting." No, I know. It's because I seem fun. And you're damn right I'm fun, but I'm not for someone to take advantage of. I don't know if that was his intention or not. He could be completely innocent, but it just seemed way too desperate and gave me a bad vibe. And I know that sometimes you might meet someone who immediately gives you that feeling that you have to get to know this person, whether you're married or not, but it never ends up well. People just end up hurt. No one goes into that type of situation with bad intentions. Feelings are feelings. But no way am I testing those waters, especially after he went even further by stalking me on IG later that night. Followed me, liked my photo and then yesterday, commented on it saying he hoped to run into me again sometime. A happily married man doesn't do that. So, yeah, I did not respond, and I will not respond. If I run into him again, I'll be friendly but leave it at that and move on. Where the hell are the cool single guys? Oh yeah, I forgot... running far away from me. Guys don't like independent women. They want to feel needed all the time. But just because I don't need a man doesn't mean I want to be completely alone all the time. I'm just capable of taking care of myself and having my own life outside of a relationship. There's no codependence with me, but there is no one more loyal and giving than I am when I'm with someone I feel deeply about. So anyway, major tangent, but this incident actually really pissed me off. I was pretty angry about it all night. And who knows, this guy probably stalked my blog by now and will read this. I actually hope that I'm wrong about his intentions, but I don't think I am.

The weekend kind of sucked. Saturday brought almost 3 inches of heavy, wet snow at my house. I got out in time to make it to the dump but then we stayed in until I had to go back out to work registration for the White Mountain Milers Half Marathon. I did get Phoenix and Chill out for a walk from home in the snow. I was not amused. The snow can stay up high in the mountains. This was just gross snow.

Not amused



The roads were still a bit sketchy for my drive into North Conway. I was a little bummed that bib pick up was moved from the Eastern Slope Inn to the tent at Schouler Park. It was still fun, but by the time it was over over 2 hours later, I was frozen to the core.

Volunteers at bib pick up. I realized that I've volunteered for this race in some form or another every year now since 2012. I can't bring myself not to help out.
Plans to pick up John after to go to the Haunting at the Parsonsfield Seminary changed. They postponed it due to the weather. That was fine with me. I was so cold that I had to go home and get in a hot bath to warm up.

Sunday was another cold, bitter morning with rain. I was back out at the Half Marathon to volunteer at the Half of the Half start/relay exchange. It was a light rain almost the whole time, and I was once again frozen after standing out there for over 2 hours. I was bummed I hadn't jumped in the Half Marathon since I really do miss running this race, but it would have been dumb. Glad I didn't know I would have won it easily just running a slow pace. The winning women's time was 1:38. Oh well, smart move not to, and I couldn't afford it anyway. Haha.

Start of the Half of the Half
I finally dragged John out of the cave for a walk in the afternoon with Chill and Phoenix to Spot's swimming hole. It was only 2.8 miles but still a nice hike. John talked to me about his favorite anime almost the whole time. And then we discussed the movie his school was going to see on Monday. The Hate You Give. I haven't had a chance to follow up with him on that yet.





This morning was my first Monday back in North Conway for 24s! I used to have the Monday 24 hour shift here until I gave it up to work at the chiropractor's office in 2014. Well, now I have it back! And let me share with you the difference between my Monday here compared with my Mondays in Tamworth.

What's that?! No dishes in the sink?!

Clean stove  top with a brownie for us

Wait a minute. Did someone empty the trash at the end of their shift?!
Needless to say, we were much happier this morning. Truck check was nothing out of the ordinary. Easy peasy. I was able to do my workout in the upstairs spare room and then walked around the ambulance bay and up and down the stairs. No annoying coworkers. You can't beat it. Yay.

Once I'm really running again, these will be good winter training at work.
So that's my last week. Next week will actually have a race report! I'm not expecting to do well at the XC meet after nearly doing nothing for 2 weeks, but I really enjoy doing it so I'll be there. Plus it's the last event in the All-Terrain Series. I can't win the masters division since there is no "best of" and all races count, but that doesn't matter. I still want to finish it. I will have only missed Wachusett. I'm looking forward to seeing my running people and being back in the land of the living. I still have $45 to Doyle's so we'll probably go there after for lunch. Should be a good day. I'm planning to run again the weeks after that while also starting the cross training I've picked. Insanity Max 30. I did about 3 rounds of the original Insanity when it was released and loved it. I like the 30 minute thing because I'll combine it with some sort of 30 minute strength training program, which I haven't picked out yet. I'll start that when I finish the first round of the Booty Core workout. I'll still be hiking when I can. So that's the agenda until I start my real time off around Thanksgiving.


Wednesday, October 24, 2018

2018 Baystate Marathon

I actually love this photo from Baystate.
Haha. So where to start? Um, I guess with the fact I've had a change of heart. After Baystate on Sunday, a 3:09 doesn't look so bad now!! I had a terrible, as expected, race at the Baystate Marathon, but unlike Hartford, I'm totally ok with it. I actually can't stop laughing about it because it was just so stupid. Haha. Last year I pulled off the Hartford/Baystate double with some decent times. 3:02/3:07. What I failed to remind myself of was that I was in really good marathon shape in 2017. Despite losing some of my training due to being sick for 6 weeks prior to Hartford, I was still marathon fit, and I was able to run good times at both. For the last year I've been saying that my legs have never hurt so bad in a marathon than they did the last 6 miles of Baystate. Well, that's changed. That leg pain was NOTHING compared to what I experienced this year at Baystate. Try 26 miles of leg pain. And I'm seriously cracking up as I write this because I can't believe I actually finished that race on Sunday. It was THAT bad. Although I had hoped for a decent time, I kind of had a feeling I would finish close to 3:30. I hoped not, but, well, once again, I was right. 3:27:26. My 3rd worst marathon behind my first marathon at Tobacco Road and Boston 2012 in the heat. But I'm seriously ok with it. My only goal was to finish so that I could count for the USATF-NE Grand Prix series. Why I felt a need to complete the Series that badly, I don't know, but it got me out on the start line. To be honest, I should never have toed the line. It was a bad decision. Running one marathon without training is one thing, but to do another one a week later is just downright moronic. And it really did suck. Not only were my legs in pain for 26.2 miles, but I was bored out of my mind.

After Hartford, I decided not to run at all again until the following Friday. I had to work 4 days straight at work, and I thought that would be good forced rest. It turned out to be the opposite. All of that sitting left me in SO much tendon pain. Like so much. And the soreness in my legs hardly got better at all. I went from a 25 hour shift Monday (back at base from a call an hour after my shift ended), after hardly getting any sleep overnight, right into a 9-hour track detail on Tuesday. And then I did the exact same thing Wed/Thurs. 24 hour shift right into another 9 hour. I walked when I could, but the sitting was WAY too much. My tendons hadn't hurt that much since May. I was supposed to do a mountain run with Judson Cake on Friday, but he had to bail and return home to Bar Harbor early. This was a blessing in disguise for me since I woke up Friday morning in SO much pain. Tendons AND hips. There was no way I would have been able to run, and I was only 2 days out from Baystate.

Working like that also just left me feeling down. I was already upset about Hartford so to follow that with the sitting and lack of exercise just depressed my mind and body. I'm just not meant to be so sedentary like that. And it hindered recovery! I'm a huge believer in movement for recovery, if possible. (Obviously, there are certain injuries that need to recover without movement.). That being said, I did it to myself. I had already picked up the Thursday track shift, but thinking of the extra money, I reluctantly picked up the Tuesday track shift as well. I can't do 4 days in a row like that again. In fact, once I start my full 4 weeks off, I won't be picking up any overtime. I'm going to need those days to cross-train and not sit. I have set out plans, but more about that later.

So anyway, I'm getting off-topic. On Saturday, I was still in pain, but I decided to run 3 miles on the treadmill. It was a STRUGGLE. Every leg muscle and both tendons hurt at an 8:02 min pace. How the hell was I going to pull off Baystate?! Well, I barely did.

Race Report

I was fortunate to not have to bring John with me this time. Bryan doesn't work Sunday mornings and has been asking to take John then, so this was a good opportunity for that. I never felt right about leaving John sitting in the cold in a lawn chair on the sidewalk in Lowell by himself for 3.5 hours last year. He was in a very safe place, and I know this year, I could have had him sit by the finish near Richie Blake and Andy Schachat without an issue, but it was such an early rise and SO cold that he would have been miserable. So it worked out well for him to stay with Bryan. John said they had a "meh day". I'll take that as a positive. Haha.

I was up at 3:15am and out of the door by 4am. Although the lack of sleep sucked, I still preferred that over coming down the night before like I did last year (something I'll forever regret). I liked being at home and sleeping in my own bed, and the drive was only a little over 2 hours. It wasn't bad at all. I got to the John St parking garage just after 6am. No traffic yet at all. (By the way, my advice is to skip the parking garage by the Tsongas Center; leaving after the race is a nightmare. The John St garage is where it's at. Haha). I walked over to the Tsongas Center and got my bib, one of the last 100 of them for the marathon since I signed up last minute on Wednesday. I was thankful for the apostrophe in my name since no one could look me up to track me during the race. iResultsLive doesn't like apostrophes. I knew my bib number ahead of time, but I gave it to noone. Haha.

I walked back to the garage where I started to get myself together for a warm up. It was pretty cold out, but I much prefer the cold over the heat so I basically wore the same exact thing as Hartford, just a different singlet. I stayed in my sweats and went out for a little over a mile warm up. It wasn't good. Both tendons hurt, but it was the leg muscles. So tight and so sore. I was a little nervous about that but also glad I didn't care about my time today. Even though I was still in a bit of denial at that point, I knew I wasn't going to run a sub 3:10.

As I dropped off my drop bag with the truck, I was so excited to run into Katie Misuraca. She's been off the radar since she won the GP series in 2015. It started with a foot injury and then just the fact that she hates racing. I was so happy to find out she was starting with the 3:10 pace group like me so we ended up lining up together. (She would go on to run a 3:04, much better than she expected. I wouldn't be surprised to see a Katie comeback for 2019.) Oh, and yes, I did say that I lined up with the 3:10 pace group. Haha. My original goal was just to see how long I could hang with them. It turned out, well, not even a mile. First off, the pacer didn't get in the shoot until like 5 minutes before the start. By that time, it was so crowded that we couldn't even get up there. For the start, I just made sure to keep the sign in sight.

I'm not a huge fan of the start of the race because it's insanely crowded as we merge with the half marathon people. On the bright side, it meant seeing a lot of people I knew as they passed. It was actually funny since they were saying hey to me, this guy running beside me laughed and said something about everyone knowing me and that he now knows my name is Leslie. Haha. It was cute. So I did enjoy that part. What I didn't enjoy was having Mistake the Snake pass me by and then run right in front of me for like 2 minutes. Ugh. The last person I wanted to see during the race, but at least I didn't have to look at his stupid face. I was VERY happy when the two races split, but I was also having flashbacks since this was right where I tripped over the traffic cone last year. And omg, with all the people, it was still difficult to see them. People were literally hurtling them at the last second. Just not a fan of this section at all because of that.

So anyway, as far as the pace group goes, the fucking pacer took the first mile in about 6:50. I thought we were going too fast, and I couldn't even catch them! My mile was 6:52 so it's possible he was under 6:50. I hadn't planned to run a single mile under 7:10 today. I don't know why he did that, but by the time we hit the second mile, I was done already. I slowed down but still hit mile 2 in 7:07. I had already fallen back. My legs hurt so bad. Only 24 miles to go! I immediately gave up on the pace group and just worked at falling back into a pace I was comfortable at. It took me until about mile 6 to find this pace. The headwind on the way out was pretty brutal at times, but I was able to hang around a 7:30 pace thru mile 12. I wasn't actually going by my watch at all. I didn't look at every mile. I was just going to run as fast as my legs would allow. I knew that I would continue to slow over the course of the race as the fatigue got worse and worse so it was really just about hanging in there to finish.

Peggy Kelley made me look good! Haha.
What I didn't expect was the sheer boredom of running like this. I felt like I was out for a jog/easy training run. Seriously, I wish I had had a watch with a heart rate monitor because I imagine my HR stayed very low for this entire race. I was never out of breath. I could talk and smile and look around. And I ended up with the worst song in my head the ENTIRE RACE. It's actually a song I love, but it was a slow song and only one set of lyrics over and over and over. For the record, when I'm actually racing in a marathon, I don't have songs in my head. I'm actually thinking about my race the entire time, and I am going hard. I take it seriously. I focus. This pace on Sunday was just way too slow for me mentally and for my level of fitness. This actually took a lot of mental effort just to get through it. By the last 4 miles, I kept thinking, "How the hell do people stay out there this long?!" This is excruciatingly boring and taking way too long.

This is the song in my head the WHOLE race. The lyrics on repeat: "I had all and then most of you, some, and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met." WHY?! Hahaha!


There's not much to write about the rest of the first loop. I smiled and said a few words to the spectators I knew. Some were great, and I loved seeing them. I was thankful to come back the other direction thinking the headwind would now be a tailwind, but it ended up being more of a side wind. Haha. Still better than a headwind, though. The bridge was tough for me since my left tendon and the 20lbs of lead in my legs held me back, but it was short and we started our second loop. I couldn't believe we weren't even half way at this point. This felt like the longest marathon ever. I hit the half in 1:36:48. Exactly 6 minutes slower than the week before, and I knew it was still too fast, but it was fine. This was not a race I would ever have been able to do better in the second half no matter what. My muscle soreness and fatigue would have gotten worse at any pace as I ran. I did start to slow more here because the headwind was BRUTAL. I really didn't slow down much, though, for the next two miles, but I was starting to feel a major tightness in my right quad and both calves. The left quad and both hamstrings were dying, but it was these particular places I began to notice hurting more. And right in the middle of mile 16, my right quad locked up. Not a full-on cramp, but just on the verge. I would run with this for the duration of the race, the next 10 miles. Both calves also started to lock up shortly thereafter. I kept expecting them all to suddenly just seize up at any second stopping me dead in my tracks. The pain was so bad that I no longer felt an ounce of tendon pain for the rest of the race. As if that wasn't enough, my left eye went blurry around mile 16, as well, just like at Manchester City in 2016. I never was sure what caused that, but now, I know that it was definitely the cold, strong wind. We had similar (yet for longer!) wind at Manchester, and my eye was blurry for the last 10 or 11 miles of that race as well. Today, it wasn't quite as bad, but I really couldn't see well out of it until about 45 minutes into the drive home. And, oh no, it still gets worse!. The gels I had had by this point were just sloshing in my stomach for the last 10 miles as well! I don't think my body used any bit of them for fuel. (That alone will probably be enough to push me to a doctor if I decide to get insurance for 2019.)



From 16 on, my pace would go above 8 min. Getting out of the headwind was great, but it didn't help me go any faster. I managed to stay under 8:30s through mile 22 at least. This long 4 mile stretch was excruciating. I started to get passed in droves. Like packs of people! And omg were they annoying! And loud! So I mentioned being annoyed by the people and their "good jobs" at the end of Hartford. Well, this was a whole other level!!! Fucking people wouldn't stop with their fucking "good jobs, looking great, you got this" as they passed. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I was ready to punch people. The only people I was happy to see were the people I knew cheering me on, like Frank and Nancy Corsaro. They were the best! I don't know why people think it's encouraging to say something to someone as you're passing them. Unless you know them personally, shut your mouth. You're fucking passing me. Do you really think I'm doing a "great job"? Ugh. My absolute favorite comment of the day, hands down was from a GLRR volunteer whom I know who said, "You look terrible!" Yes, thank you! Honestly, that was awesome. That actually made me happy and make a funny face. Give me the truth! I like that! Unfortunately, the last 4 miles of hell were constant people yelling, "Great job, everyone!" Ugh. This may sound snobby, but I never want to run in that pace group again until I'm older and don't care anymore. It's not my crowd. They're lucky I held back all of the "fuck offs" going in my head. I did feel bad for shoeing away Timothy O'Brien's fist bump, but as I told him later, he tried that at the wrong time. Haha. Bruce Christensen still has PTSD from me shoeing him away at Hartford in 2016. Haha.

It was pretty crazy how many people passed me in the last 2 miles. I ran 9:09 for both miles 25 and 26. The 3:30 pace group even passed me. Haha. I just wanted this torture session to end. Enough already. I finally turned the corner and saw the finish. The intense pain and sheer boredom came to an end. Richie Blake snapped a photo. Pretty much what I'm sure my stride looked like for the last 10 miles of the race. Haha. Full Results




I stopped there and talked to Richie for a second. I wasn't even breathing heavily at all. I was definitely tired, but like I said before, it felt like I had just done a long jog with 20lb weights strapped to my legs. I got a heat sheet and then walked on. I took a medal instead of having them put it on my neck. I can't handle huge, heavy medals on my neck. I walked down, grabbed my drop bag and then stopped down by the finish area refreshments to put on some warm clothes. Meagan Boucher saw me and came over. I was so happy to find out she won the race and qualified for the Olympic Trials. I've been watching Meagan get better and better over the years ever since we first raced each other in 2014. Extremely humble person and so nice. She really put in the work for this over the last year, and I honestly can't be happier for her.

I talked to Lindsay Close for a few minutes as well. Other than today's race, she has been right near me at every GP this year. Such a sweet person. Other than that, most of the people I knew were long gone. Only talked to Arthur and Heidi Besse from their car later as I walked by. After getting my warm clothes on, I only walked a few steps when I was all of a sudden super ill and made a beeline to the bathroom. This would end up lasting the entire drive home and about 30 minutes after I got home. I was so, so sick. I couldn't see out of my left eye, and I could barely walk back to the car. It was SO windy, too, especially in the parking deck; I was frozen. Due to the darkness of the parking deck, I could barely see so it took me forever to get dressed into clean, warm clothes. I had originally planned to go to Lowell Beerworks but got the heads up a few days beforehand that Mistake the Snake would be there so I planned to go to the post-race bar, Dudley's, instead. Well, I bagged that, too, and made plans to stop at Stoneface where I still had a free beer token, but I couldn't even do that. I could barely drive. So sick. Kept stopping. Then I could barely keep my eyes open. My body felt so depleted, and I actually thought again (just like after that trail half in Maine) that I might have to go to the ER, but instead, I decided to test out the pizza cure. Last time, just getting some high fat, heavy solid food in my stomach fixed me right up so I called First Stop from Ossipee and picked it up before going home. I was still way too sick to eat it for awhile, but when I finally did, it was an instant cure. Case study complete: Pizza cures all! Haha.

After this all subsided, I thought back and realized my drive home hadn't been painful at all. In fact, I felt no pain in my tendons whatsover. So weird. The rest of my legs, on the other hand, left me barely able to walk. Plus I felt dead to the world. After I showered, I told John that I'd be dead on the couch for awhile. I finally had my post-race beer even though it took an hour to drink it. I ate half the large pizza. Around 5, I all of a sudden had the energy to get up and fix the mailbox. Haha. It was an easy task. I just needed John's help. I was surprised getting off the couch how much better I felt. The legs were less sore and I was able to walk out to the end of the driveway. John held the mailbox upright in a bucket while I shoveled sand in it. I was finally going to make my mailman happy and make my mailbox mobile so it wouldn't get plowed in all winter. Haha.




After that, it was back to the couch and then an early night. I was SO tired.

Haha! Blog isn't over! But the rest will be short since I really didn't do much due to work.

The Rest of the Week

Biking- Got on the bike twice during the to do an easy spin for 30 minutes. Barely any resistance. Just trying to get my heart rate up for some exercise.

Walks/Hikes

Tuesday- Lunch break walk at the track. 2 miles.


Came back to the base after the shift to find the new ridiculous, ugly ambulance had arrived.


Wednesday- Only 1.2 mile walk at work. Got a 911 call and was never motivated to go back out. I did do abs and upper body stuff, though.

Such a warm, sunny spot all year, so the trees are still green.
Thursday- Woke up to it snowing. I wanted to cry.


Had to take a walk as soon as I got to the track. It was cold and windy so I only walked a mile. Noticed this tree face for the first time.


At lunch, I took another walk. 2.1 miles up to the pavement end. I had time for another walk with Phoenix up Heavenly Hill when I got home for 1.5 miles. I was so sad to see the register missing at the top. The guy who put it there in the first place died in 2013. I thought I had taken photos of what he wrote, but I searched for an hour for them and only found the first page. I already bought a new notebook and will start a new register. No idea if an animal or human took it, but it's sad either way.

George built the trail up from Rt 16. Bryan and I built the trail up from our house.
This time of the evening is my favorite light on Heavenly Hill.





Friday- Slept in only until 7. Needed to catch up on sleep since I basically had none on Monday night, but I never would. Even though Judson had to cancel the run, I still decided to go with the original planned location of Mt Roberts and hike it with Phoenix instead. Stupidly, I forgot to take mileage into account for walking time. Running, it would be short, but walking, well, I kind of screwed up. We at least started at the high parking lot so that saved some miles. The day was absolutely gorgeous. Still one of my absolute favorite places. I was bummed not to get out for my usual 18 mile loop run there this year, but a hike would be almost as good. I really only wanted to hike 5 miles, and I should have known it would be more because I raced most of what I hiked in 2014, but nope, I forgot. It would end up being 8.9 miles and only 45 minutes to spare before I had to pick up John. Haha. Fortunately, almost all of the last 5 miles were a very easy grade downhill so I didn't feel worn out or like I overdid it with the legs at all. And I SO needed that anyway. Phoenix had SO much fun and even caught a mouse, which really pissed me off. Why can't she do that in the house?! Haha. I made her let this mouse go, though. Poor little thing was scared to death. We both really needed today. The exercise, the fresh air and the solitude made me feel happy again.





Saturday- Another beautiful day so it was a struggle to find a trail without people on it, but we lucked out. Only saw two guys leaving the trailhead as we got there. It had to be a short walk with Baystate the next day so we just walked out and back for 2 miles on the Bickford Trail. Funny, that I've never been on this trail before. It appears to see very little use by anyone since there's really nothing special about it. But I enjoy walks in the woods views or not.



I've been trying to teach John how to recognize a spring over a brook or creek. This was a nice spring.


Night before Baystate beer. It's actually pretty good!
Other random stuff

The last week has had some weird "anniversaries". Two bad, one good. Last Tuesday was the 1st anniversary of Spot's death. Seems like yesterday. Two days ago on the 22nd, was the 7th anniversary of Coy's death. FB memories was cruel with some photos from 2 days before Coy died.

Sweet Coy

Spot and Coy at Burnt Meadow Mt in 2011

That poor woman's world was about to be shattered 2 days later. :(
I would end up having an awesome dream one recent night when I was just with Coy and Spot again. I don't remember the details, but I woke up happy. That was a nice gift my brain gave to me.

Yesterday, the 23rd, was a good anniversary. My 4th Divorceversary! (I made up the spelling. haha). I can't believe it's been 4 years already. Seems to have flown by but at the same time feels like forever since I've pretty much created a new life for myself. I'm a totally different person. I'll be honest that I didn't think I would be single for this long, but I've learned through experience that I'm not much of a catch. Haha. And I just get worse the more set in my ways I get. I honestly make no effort, though. But I have actually tried. I really have, but I'm done failing at my unwise choices so I've given up for time being. I'm ok with it most of the time. I have John and the dogs. What else do I really need right now?

Other random things. The Saucony group had left behind some paperwork at my house and asked if I could mail it to them and offered shoes in exchange. So Doug at Saucony got back to me and said to pick out for different styles and colors to choose from so I did. Doug also sent me some photos he took of Chill. Well, on Monday, John tells me I got a huge, heavy box without a name on the return address. I'm freaking out so I have him open it. It was all FOUR pairs of Saucony shoes that I sent him!! I wasn't expecting that at all!! Wow! Already, Saucony has put Hoka One One to shame. I only got 3 pairs of shoes from them while I was on their Team New England. So generous. And I'm so excited to try them all out when I start running again.

Photo that Doug took of Chill

One more awesome thing that just happened...I got my wish to be moved to the North Conway base for Monday 24s! Yay! No more walking into that shithole and dealing with toxic people every Monday morning. No more of this...



I'm going to miss working down there a bit, and I will still pick up random 7-5 shifts on Thursday, but I just can't take it anymore. It's gotten so bad. Jeff and I, both, requested the move and it came sooner than expected. Starts next Monday! This shitty company will remain the same, but at least I won't have to deal with shitty coworkers. I spent the first 3.5 years working only out of the North Conway base. It's been 3.5 years now that I've been working regularly out of Tamworth, and it was great at first. I worked with good people, but they're all gone. And I wanted back in North Conway only. So relieved. Maybe I won't quit after all. Haha.

Near Future Plans

Ok! Finally onto this part. So what's next? Well, to start, I'm taking 2 full weeks off. My legs need it badly. Unlike my 2 weeks off in June, there will be no cross training. This is all about recovery for my legs. Only light exercise. Hiking/walking. I'm definitely going to lose some fitness. Maybe gain a few pounds, but it's ok. I need it. I had planned to join the pool again and actually do workouts, but I learned Monday that Purity Spring cut off members from weekend use. Only resort guests have access now. And in addition to cutting off 2 days, they raised the monthly fee from $40 to $50!! Say what. So... you cut out two days of the week and charge more? Fuck you, Purity Spring. Really unfortunate, though. It was the ONLY pool in the area for public use. And I mean the only one. The next closest one is an hour away. The White Mountain Aquatic Center (now defunct) spent years trying to make a pool/fitness center a reality. Spent over $60,000 on it but could not find a single person to back it up financially. I just don't get it. How does a place like this offer nothing?! So now no indoor pool. I'm just floored. Baffled really. This place is SO backwards. Oops. Sorry about the tangent.

Anyway, 2 weeks of easy recovery walking. My next run will be my warm up at the USATF-NE XC Championship race at Franklin Park on Nov 4th. Short, fast, done. I like that kind of race. How I feel after that will decide whether I start cross-training or still just taking it easy, but I know for sure I'll be making another attempt at the Warner Trail completion. Once again, not for time, just to complete it. I may fail again. That's ok. Then probably more recovery and cross training. Then my final week of any running. Two fun trail races and then the day after Thanksgiving starts day 1 of my full 4 weeks off from running.

The 4 weeks. Well, I plan to really work on strength training and high intensity workouts. I will have to work around anything that causes tendon pain so I'm sure I'll be modifying a lot the first two weeks at least. My main goal through all of this is to build my glute strength back up. What I unknowingly lost when I tore my gluteal tendon in 2015. I never properly retrained the glutes so that will be key for me. No idea what the timeline will be for that. I'm also going to be searching for skate skis that I can afford. Even after I start running and training for Boston, I plan to skate ski 2 days in place of running over the winter. That all depends on finding skate skis. That shit is expensive and why I haven't gotten any yet in the 7.5 years I've been back here. Rich person's sport. Haha.

I haven't yet picked out my exact workout plans yet. Still trying to decide on what I want to use. I'm leaning toward Beachbody stuff. Laugh all you want, but I used Beachbody for years and had great luck with it. I actually enjoy a lot of their stuff and some of the new stuff looks right up my alley for what I'm going for during my time off. I'll definitely be using my bike, as well, but I don't want to have that as my only option during so much time off from running.

After 4 weeks, I'll do my first test runs and will actually do a race I have planned. If there is tendon pain, it's back to no running...and so on and so forth. While I have a few races I'd like to do in January, I'm not counting on them just yet. I wanted to do indoor track and some winter trail races, but if I can't, I can't. My main goal is to heal completely. It may leave me with only 2 months to train for Boston, and if that's the case, so be it. I may not be where I want to be yet for it, but I will still be at the very least marathon fit, unlike Hartford.

I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging, but I'll probably continue to do weekly updates. I don't think I'll be posting my stuff other than walks/hikes to Strava. Well, I will be, but I'm planning to keep it on private. I'm also planning to keep all of my running on private through Boston. I want to keep my training to myself for awhile. I might change my mind, though. I'll still use it for races and other things, but I want the eyes off me on Strava for awhile. Blog readers will still get to see it, though. Haha.

So that's my plan. It may change. As a woman, I have the right to change my mind at any time. Haha. I expect I will since I always do.

I know I put a song on here already, but here's another one...