Training Week- Fer Realz

John turned 12 this week!

A really nice break from racing this week led to a good training week and upped mileage. 66.5 miles. 3,665ft of elevation gain. Two treadmill runs, 4 road runs and 1 trail run. AND...my first real workout ever off of the track that was just as hard as I thought it would be. Haha. No wonder I never did those. Why do something so hard? :) Crazy, though, by putting my running schedule in someone else's hands, he can pull so much more out of it than I could. I guess I was kind of stuck. Haha. It's motivating me. I did feel a little beat up by Sunday, but I kind of expected that with the workout and the mileage increase.

USATF-NE posted the results for the Indoor Points Chase. Kind of disappointing to see only 23 people completed it and only 6 of those were women. I was 11th overall which I'm pretty happy with considering I suck on the track. Kind of a fun competition, but it needs a little improvement in some aspect to get more people involved. Maybe 3 events instead of 4? More publicity? Not sure, but 23 is a really low number. Haha.

My results. 100 bonus points for my highest scoring event being at the Championship.

On the home front, things were a little more settled with Bryan. He and John had a falling out on Wednesday which was rough, but it led to the most civilized conversation Bryan and I have had in AT LEAST 4 years. A 30 minute phone conversation with no anger or yelling. He seemed to somewhat get it and was able to mend his time with John, and so far, there haven't been any issues since. I'm not holding my breath, though, since I know the pattern, having lived it myself. On a side note, I'm starting to question whether or not I should have written so much of this in details here, though. A local stranger who apparently reads my blog decided to get involved in Bryan and John's argument at Frontside Grind, and I don't fucking like it. I don't need you intervening in my life, stranger. I don't even know you or how you got my number; stay out of my business.

The week was pretty low-key. Nothing crazy. John turned 12 on Sunday which is just crazy to me. All he wanted to do was play his games, go to the movies and get Chinese food, so that's what we did. His birthdays are actually getting less expensive. Haha.

Monday, February 19, 2018- Second week that I had no problem getting up to run on the treadmill before work. I "couldn't" do it before. Now I can. Haha. I think knowing that I "can" run these easy and it's ok has helped me get up and do it. I've never allowed myself to run easy on the treadmill, but now that I'm giving in a little bit, it feels much better. 5 miles. 39:57. 7:59 avg pace.

A surprisingly quiet day at work considering it was Massachusetts school vacation week. Our morning started out right off the bat with a 911 and a transport to Frisbie Hospital in Rochester. 40 miles! Not an emergency if you ask me, but we're allowed to take patients there and to Lakes Region in Laconia, as well, if they request it. So breakfast ended up at Dunkin' Donuts instead of having what I brought. It killed the morning, though, and the rest of the day was quiet.

There was another Bryan incident that afternoon, this time with Phoenix. I got a call from someone saying that they found Phoenix running around in Portland and that she almost got hit by a car. Ummm, why is my dog running around Portland?! I was pretty pissed at first until I found out that Phoenix jumped out of Bryan's friend's sunroof while they were off doing something else. I kind of gave him a pass for that one since that could have happened to anyone really. It did end up keeping him in Portland too late to pick up John from school, though. Luckily, I was working in Tamworth so I picked John up in the ambulance and brought him to work for 1.5 hours until Bryan came to get him. It was actually kind of nice having John here for a bit. Made my day better in the long run.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018- I hadn't yet come up with a plan on where to do my long run so I got on the work computer to plot out a map. I wanted to run in Tamworth, but I didn't want to run flat. I wanted HILLS. The side and back roads were all covered with ice so it definitely limited my options, but I finally came up with a route that I made on Strava. Funny, it came out looking like a seagull.

I was a little nervous about the run, though, since I had felt so awful the week before, but this one started out well and continued. I felt great. The hills were definitely a challenge, but what goes up must come down so I had some nice long downhill reprieves. I'd never run on Turkey St or the full length of Page Hill Rd, so those were new to me. Nice boost of confidence with this run. 18.5 miles in 2:18:42. 7:28 avg pace. 1,334ft of elevation gain. Snagged two Strava CRs while I was at it. Unfortunately, my run wasn't over. I had orders to do 6 strides again.

I stopped my long run on the hill so I stopped my watch and walked back down to where it was flat. Not far, but it was just long enough that my legs were like WTF. My legs didn't want to move for these, and I was told later that I ran them too slowly. Haha. Oops.

I was too beat to do abs or upper body which is becoming too common lately so I skipped it. Still getting in 3 days of abs at least, but my upper body part is slacking. It's so easy and so little time, but I have a huge lack of motivation to do it. Part of it is seeing that I was more ripped back when I did ZERO upper body and ab work. My arms even looked more muscular. My back is really the only thing that has really improved a lot. But my arms just got bigger and less defined. They look fat. My abs are definitely stronger, but they look worse. Grr. I know that I'm definitely stronger and fitter than I was before, but it sucks seeing the now photos that look worse. Oh well. Every bit of me just looks worse and worse every day. Might as well just accept it but keep working out anyway for the actual benefit of being stronger; how I look isn't really the point of it anyway.

Took Phoenix on a 1.7 mile walk up Corridor 15 before we picked up John at school. It wasn't really my plan so I was wearing the wrong shoes, but, fortunately, I didn't fall on my ass.

Picked up John then went home until it was time for ninja class at 7pm. I stayed and watched the whole thing this time. Although I'm super happy the class is back up and running again, I still hate the late time. It makes it difficult for me to get to bed at a reasonable time...not that I do that anyway, but this definitely doesn't help. :)

Wednesday, February 21, 2018- Got up for an easy 4 miles on the treadmill in 31:24. 7:51 avg pace. Work was really quiet. One lift assist and that was it. No transports. I had two different partners throughout the day. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, which bugged me since I really wanted to be outside running! We did wash the truck, and I sat out in the sun awhile until it clouded up.

Our typical mud pit in the Spring. It's actually thicker than it looks. So annoying.

Like I mentioned before, I also spent some productive time on the phone with Bryan today after the latest blow-out with John. I'm writing this a week later, and, so far, things have been good. Crossing my fingers that it stays that way.

Started to realize by the end of the day that I might have some sort of "intestinal upset". This would end up lasting a week! I don't want to go all TMI, but let's just say, I haven't digested much food. Haha. I didn't have any nausea or stomach aches at least, but it was probably one of the reasons I started to feel really tired today, and the fatigue only got worse through the weekend. I felt fine during my runs, for the most part, though, which was weird.

Thursday, February 22, 2018- I stayed at work an extra 1.5 hours at work to cover for Jen until she got there. I unfortunately had to listen to the usual stories of my coworker there who in general thinks the exact opposite of things than I do. He told me a story about how he held the door open for a guy and his young son, and when the son didn't say thank you, the dad slapped him in the head and yelled at him to say thank you. As he finished the story, I could tell he thought it was awesome with this big proud smile on his face and expected me to have the same reaction. How he doesn't know by now (6.5 years!) that our views are the exact opposite, I don't know, but my reaction was one of horror instead of cheering on, "Yeahhh! Teach that kid some damn respect!" First off, I've never once laid a hand on my kid, and I also never forced apologies or "please" and "thank you's". I modeled that behavior and he learned to do it by that. Often "teaching respect" leads to nothing but empty words coming out of a kid's mouth. Just something you're supposed to say and without any meaning. When you explain to a kid the meaning the behind it and do it yourself, it tends to be a little more genuine.  Just my view, but you will never hear a meaningless apology come out of mouth. If I apologize, I most certainly mean it. As you can imagine, I was happy to get out of there when Jen arrived. Haha.

No rush today so I got in an upper body and abs workout, showered and then headed south for a trail run at F Gilbert Hills. Predicted heavy rain actually held off surprisingly until the very end of the run. Not sure how we lucked out with that one, but I was happy. The run was on dry trails which is awesome. Part of it was on a new section of trails I hadn't been on yet that had a nice overlook. A lot of ups and downs with this one so ended up with a lot of elevation gain. Snagged 5 Strava CRs, and there are still quite a few more I'd like to take down in the near future. Haha. 7.2 miles in 1:10:37. 745ft of elevation gain. Got a little trail carnage in the process. My knees have taken quite a beating in the last 4 months. You can actually see some of the scars. Haha.

The rain caught us at the end, and then the snow started after we finished. Phew. Glad I missed that. I'm sick of snow under my feet. Haha. Didn't hang out long after. Made my way north, stopping at Trillium for a drink and some cans to take home, then drove up the road to Whole Foods in Dedham for what's becoming a tradition, pizza slices for my drive home. I struggled to stay awake for the drive and went right to bed as soon as I showered. A lot of driving, but it's always worth it.

Night & Day Stout

Friday, February 23, 2018- I had planned to sleep in this morning, but John woke me to let me know his dad had picked up a shift at work and that I needed to drive him to the "bus" stop. John can normally take the path through the woods but not on Fridays since he has to have all of his ski stuff. He left with the van then I went back home. I was actually happy for the early rise since it got me up earlier. I still procrastinated on getting my run in, but since it was only 8 miles, I wasn't too worried about getting out early. I planned to run an out-and-back from Conway Village and down Passaconaway Rd and back, but just as I headed out, I ran into Suz Laughlin and a friend on their way back from where I was headed. They told me that High St was completely clear and the dirt was still frozen so it was perfect running. I changed my route to add in High St and Cross Rd on my out-and-back because it's much nicer than the paved road. I felt pretty good today. Ran a little faster than planned, but most of that was due to the downhills. I ran the uphills at the pace I had planned. 8 miles in 58:46. 7:19 avg pace.

High St

I changed clothes then went right to the nail salon to get my nails done. I really do love this pampering. I admit it.

I picked up the dogs and the trash/recycles, made a stop at the transfer station then went on a walk down the snowmobile trail (same walk as the week before) for 2.5 miles before we picked up John at Cranmore.

That night, I'd just settled down on the couch when John, who was playing video games on his TV next to mine, started complaining that my TV was too loud. Haha. So I told him to come up with a solution. And he did. He finally moved into his room for the first time ever. He's always preferred the living room and then it was the futon in the wood stove room. I was kind of ready for him to move into his room, but at the same time, I didn't like that he wasn't going to be in the same room as me in the evening so I'll admit I'm a little sad. But the kid was 2 days shy of 12. It was bound to happen. He was going to want his own space. But still....CRYYYYYYY. Haha. After helping him move the big stuff and making sure he found a place for things instead of on the floor, I left him alone and went back to the now "empty" living room and sat back down. My bottom lip literally came out. Haha. First full time school and now wanting his privacy!! What the hell! It's definitely a good thing, but still makes me a little sad to see his childhood going by so quickly. Speaking of school. Got some more photos of him at school. The apron in baking class is cracking me up. He brought me back a piece of his dessert pizza that he saved just for me. :) And oh, oh! I got him to comb his hair when he gets out of the shower. So I've made progress on the hair front. It has actually made a big difference. Hahaha.

Dessert pizza

Saturday, February 24, 2018- Woke up super nervous. Why? Because it was the day of my first workout!! EEEEEEK! Haha. Seriously, I was expecting it to be far outside of my comfort level, and oh, it did NOT disappoint AT ALL. In fact, it wasn't just hard; it was fucking hard. Haha. The weather was amazing for it at least which definitely helped. Sunshine and warm temps. Started with a very slow 2-mile warm up (mainly due to the snow/ice covered road section) into Cranmore Shores. I stopped at Poole Circle where I changed shoes and then stashed my bag. Probably did this a little slower than was necessary, but I'll admit purposely procrastinating. :) Finally lined up and started my 3 x 2-mile workout. Plan was to average 6:40, 6:35, 6:30 for each of the 2 miles. No, the answer is no. I did not hit the goal pace. Haha. But it wasn't too bad. I'm just not really that good at pacing.

The first one I screwed up. 6:41 for the first mile, thought I was going too fast and slowed, but way too much for a 6:48. 13:29. It actually didn't feel that bad. 3 min jogging rest.

The second one felt ok for the first mile. 6:38. Figured I'd have no problem running the second mile around 6:32. Nope. 6:37. But still better than the first one. 13:15. 3 min jogging rest. Spent 3 minutes trying to come to terms with the fact that I did actually have to do one more of these. Why?! Why?!

First mile, once again, felt ok, but dammit, 6:38 again. WTF. That meant a 6:22 for the second mile. Last one. I can really push it. Should be nooooo problem. Passed by the same women walking for the 5th time. I think they thought I was a nut. That would be a correct assumption. Turned the corner. I'm going to do it! Nope. 6:35. Haha. 13:13. Had an I want to barf moment then jogged for 1.5 minutes before I retrieved my bag to changed back into my other shoes. My legs were slightly shaking as I did this. Like WTF.

I was SO happy to be jogging back home the 2 miles. It was REALLY slow, but my legs were beat. Total mileage was 11 miles. I wasn't really disappointed since I at least ran each one faster, but it was still sad knowing that I'm slow fat-ass right now. Speaking of, I think I'll go stuff my face with some carbs now.

It was such a nice day that I had to get John out for a walk...but somewhere not packed with people, so I decided Hurricane Mt Rd would be great. It turned out to be the perfect choice. We only saw a few people, 3 of which I know, of course. Haha. Most of the walk, we had the road to ourselves. I had planned for us to continue up to the summit of Black Cap, but I'll admit that I was all of a sudden really super tired. Felt quite drained. Walking to the top of the road was enough for me...and of course for John, too, since he asked to turn around before we made it to the top. Haha. It was 4 miles total. Before every walk, he asks me how long it's going to take, and I have the same answer, "I don't know. It depends on how much you walk vs stop." I reminded him I said this as I took the following photo... Haha.

The evening was super weird. I felt extremely restless yet extremely tired. Like I didn't want to sit at all but I could barely keep my eyes open. After watching some stupid cheesy movie on the Hallmark channel, I was so done. 8pm. I went to bed. Like I mentioned before, I think it was a combo of the workout and whatever else was going on with me. I was on day 5 of hardly keeping any food in me.

Sunday, February 25, 2018- John's 12th Birthday!!

A huge part of me wants to fix that crooked lampshade.

I know. I know. I think I've posted this before, but I can't help it. It was my favorite photo 2 days after he was born. I still remember the perfect weather and feel the breeze blowing through the house. The peace and quiet since we'd just gotten home from the hospital on Fort Hood. I had literally just walked in the house a few minutes prior to this moment. Two days prior to this, I was in tears about to leave my house for the hospital saying that I'd changed my mind. I didn't want to have a baby now. Hahaha. Now, I was content with a newborn in my arms. (Just don't try to hand me any babies now! Eeek! Babies are not my thing. Haha.) 12 years!! Seems like it went by so fast, but then again, it's like a lifetime. To think I only have 6 more years until he's an adult is just crazy, but I welcome his continued growth and independence.

I got up super early to get my run in before the snowstorm hit. Supposed to get 5-8in starting at 9 so I got out before 7am. I ran an out-and-back up Tasker and Allard Hill Roads and back. One of my same old boring runs from the house. Although I actually felt completely refreshed from all of the sleep, my legs were tired, so I just ran super easy. Quite a bit of climbing forced this on me anyway. 12 miles in 1:38:49. 8:13 avg pace. 1,014ft of elevation gain.

John didn't really want to do much for his birthday except play video games, go to the movies and get Chinese take-out. Haha. The snow started right at 9am on the dot, but it never got bad, so I went out around 11am to pick up his Oreo Blizzard Cake that I ordered at Dairy Queen. It was way too big and most of it is still sitting in the freezer right now. Haha. We did the cake thing when I got home.

3-4 inches of snow had fallen by this point so I decided to go ahead and shovel the driveway so that when it was done dropping another 3-4 inches that night, it would be much easier to shovel. Crazy though, the snow pretty much stopped when I went out there around 1pm and it would only drop another very light 1/4 of inch the rest of the day. Yay! Since the snow was all powder and not that much, it only took me about an hour and half to get it done. By then, it was time to head to the movies to see Black Panther. Due to the weather and it being the beginning of NH's school vacation week, I expected a line out the door at the movies, but no, we were the first ones there. 40 minutes early. Haha. Oops. At least we got first dibs on seats. We were so early we ate the entire large bag of popcorn before the movie started. Haha. I had a free medium popcorn on my movie card so I got that before the movie started. The movie was really fun and was a nice change to the typical Marvel Comic movies since it was a little more unique in its creativity.

I was stuffed for the rest of the night from the popcorn, but I still got John a PuPu Platter as requested. Oh, and I did eat the egg roll. Haha. I tried to get everything done around the house for the night when we got home since it was the mid-season premier of The Walking Dead. That was not the best thing to watch right before bed since I cried through the ENTIRE thing. Haha. Sometimes I can be such a girl. But they killed Carl, dammit. WTF. That with the dramatic music is just a sobbing mess waiting to happen. Haha. Not really a good way to end one of my weekends of isolation. Tears might have been partly for myself after this and rightly so since I woke up to being out of oil again and the puffiest eyes I think I've ever had. Haha. I'm sticking with Impractical Jokers. They make me laugh so hard it hurts.

The Vermont City Marathon is doing things a little differently this year in that they're posting the Invited Runners as we send our information form in instead of waiting until 3 weeks out to release the list. Nice way to see who I'm racing ahead of time! Well, with some of them, "racing" might be too strong of a word since they'll be cooled down and showered by the time I finish. Haha. Glad I'm a master now or I wouldn't have been accepted. :)

2018 VCM Invited Athletes

A little bit of cheesy, country-ish song, but sometimes you have to embrace the cheese. Haha.

2018 USATF New England Indoor Championship

Lone Tree by Pudding Pond in North Conway

Running this week was so-so. I had some good runs and then some bad ones. Stress was back with everything going on with John and Bryan and really affected my long run on Tuesday so much that I cut it short by 2 miles. I was just talking to Bryan on the phone, and he brought up the point that we disagree on almost every aspect of how to live. He's right. We both even laughed when he said that. But it brought up a good point that trying to share a kid between two people who are so completely different in the way they live life isn't an easy thing to do. My life is more the way John wants to live so it has made things more difficult for Bryan. Couple that with his out of control fits of anger, and he's pretty much lost the kid. I honestly don't want that, but I also can't be the middle man to repair this. I feel like they need to work this through together. Am I wrong, though? Should I be helping? I don't know.

So the week didn't start off great, but it got better. I worked Thursday for some overtime and then the weekend ended up being pretty good. I had decided against the Old Fashioned 10-Miler in favor of another shot at the 3000m at the USATF New England Indoor Championship at Harvard. I wanted to complete the Indoor Points Chase AND break 11 minutes. I was bumming out with my indoor times this year and feeling pretty discouraged all around. I ran a 10:42 at this meet in 2016, and while I knew that wasn't happening this year, I still felt I could break 11. With the tweaks in my training, I felt set up in a good position to do it. I think the biggest change to my training has been keeping the easy days easy and evening out things a little better. Plus, I've been told to do strides. Haha. And not just randomly, but right after a run. That's when I'm normally lazy and ready to be done, so getting my body to do just six of them was tough. Haha. But it helps when someone else is looking from the outside in and can see the things I'm lacking and help guide me in a better direction. Knowing me, I probably would have run really hard on Friday and thwarted my sub-11 on Sunday. I've never really known what the hell I'm doing so I'm really liking the feedback...especially from someone who knows me, who knows my odd schedule and challenges. I don't fit the norm...Monday is the start of my week. Haha. So anyway, the week ended well, and I hit my goal in the 3000m. 10:55.23! I was super psyched! What a great way to end the week. Although I'm not super optimistic about New Bedford or the Boston Tune-Up, I am now feeling optimistic about my main spring goal, the Vermont City Marathon!

I got the email this week officially welcoming me back as an Invited Runner to Vermont City! Yay! I'm actually really excited to be headed back there. Barring injury or extreme heat, I just have a good feeling about this year's race. I don't quite have a definite goal yet other than a sub-3. As I get closer to that time, I'll know better what I might be capable of. Right now, I'm not as fast as I was in 2015 or 2016, but I'm really hoping to change that over the next 2.5 months. Although I know I won't be as skinny or as fast as this, I hope I'm at least feeling that good this year...

VCM 2015

So totals for the week! 56.6 miles. 1,650ft of elevation gain. Would have hit 60 had I finished the long run on Tuesday and not worked on Thursday, but it was still good. I was very happy with it by the end of the week. No trails this week at all. Mostly road and treadmill. I'm enjoying the slower paced runs, and I think they're helping me do better on the other days. You might say, "Well, duh," but like I said I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I laugh at people who tell me I should become a running coach. Dumbest idea I've ever heard. That girl in the photo above ended up injured exactly 4 months later because she trained like a moron. Haha.

Monday, February 12, 2018- I'm learning that all it took to get me up on Monday mornings is having someone else keeping a watchful eye on my running. I couldn't drag myself out of bed on Monday mornings, but I actually got up even earlier than planned this time! I meant to set my alarm for 4:15am, but somehow hit 4:00am. Instead of going back to bed for 15 minutes, I got right up no problem. Normally I can barely open my eyelids, so this was a good thing. 6 miles on the treadmill in 46:35. Keeping it easy. 7:46 avg pace. I felt good. Like I said, I'm really liking the easy paced runs. Who'd'a thunk?? Haha.

Got to work and started on the truck check when John sends me a message that the school van hasn't come yet. Hmmm. He followed that with, "It's the big van, right?" Um, NOPE. Haha. The goofball got to the stop 10 minutes early, then proceeded to sit there and stare at the actual van there to pick him up for about another 10 minutes before it drove off. Turns out he didn't listen to me the three times I told him about the van. Haha. I was fortunately able to get ahold of the driver's wife who called him; he turned around and came back for John. Crisis averted!

Typical day at work. Nothing exciting or crazy. Overdose and then nothing until 5am for a sick person. Dog at that one jumped up into my face really hard. I actually thought it would look bad, but it turned out not to leave a mark. Phew. So many people are sick right now and not just the flu. I'm crossing my fingers that I don't catch anything nasty. I got in 10 minutes of ab work at some point.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018- While we were still at the hospital for that last call, John sends me a message that his dad was going to take him to the van stop but got angry and threw John's food out of the window then just dropped him off at the house and left. By this point, he had no time to put together a lunch for himself so he pretty much had no food. I was pretty upset to hear this. Told him just to grab some breakfast and that I was running in Tamworth that morning and would bring him a lunch after I was done.

Plan was 14-16 miles for the long run today, so I decided it had to be 16. Little did I know I would struggle just to get to 14. I had chosen a mostly flat route from Tamworth Village with an out-and-back on Depot Rd and Whittier Rd. Things started out well. A tad too fast hovering around 7:12 for miles 2-5. I wasn't really paying attention until I looked at my watch for miles 4 and 5 since it felt too fast so I purposely slowed up to 7:24 for mile 6. That was the last time I could concentrate on what I was doing, and my legs felt super heavy all of a sudden. I was unable to focus at all. My mind was racing over the whole John/Bryan situation. Thinking of John's breakfast being taken from him and thrown out of the window brought me to tears. I started to find my breathing getting out of control, shallow, faster breaths. This made me feel worse quickly. I almost stopped to walk. I tried not to look at my pace since I knew it was dropping. I just felt horrible and just stressed out. I kept thinking how I wish someone could just take me by the hand to guide me and tell me what to do. So this ended up being a pretty bad run. It doesn't look it "on paper", but it was pretty horrible. Felt like I was dying just to finish 14.2 miles. 1:45:11. Most people wouldn't complain about a 7:24 avg pace, but it was barely over 300ft of elevation gain. For me, a run that flat should have been closer to 7:10s right now. But oh well. I at least hit the bottom goal. And it was a beautiful day out so I couldn't complain too much about it. The run did actually end up helping clear my head and easing my anxiety over the situation, but it also totally drained me for the rest of the day.

After changing clothes, I went to the Tamworth Lyceum for a coffee. I know. I swore I'd never go there again, but I really wanted coffee and something to eat plus an apple juice for John. The guy at the counter was unfriendly as per the usual...until I came up with the idea to put John's cupcake in a coffee cup since he didn't really know how to package it with out messing it up. For some reason, this made him a tad friendly. That's honestly a first at this place. I swear. Go in there. You'll see what I mean. Haha. I at least got a friendly goodbye so I might just go back again and test it out. Haha.

From there, I went to Subway to get John a sub and chips then drove it over to The Community School where one of John's teachers pulled me aside and gave me positive feedback on John's reading and writing class. I was so happy to hear that!

I went home, showered and then plopped on the couch until it was time to go back and pick John up. I was totally drained mentally and physically. When I picked John up, he said his lunch was the best ever and that he wanted Subway every day. Hahaha. Not so fast, buddy. That shit's expensive. I'll make him a ham and cheese myself. :)

John with a pair of my Dion's strapped to his backpack. haha

Chillin' with Phoenix while we waited for John

I filled the water jugs up at the spring while we were down there then went home for awhile. John's ninja class had started back up finally since they hired a new coach. I'm still not keen on the 7pm class, but it's worth it for John. Small class but the same kids he's been with for awhile now. Seeing him next to some of them made me realize how much he's grown since November! Crazy! Now, if I could just convince him to stop wearing the pants that are now 4 inches to short. Closet full of really nice pants that fit, too. Haha. Silly kid. While he was at ninja, I went to the store to get him some cookies to give out to classmates for Valentine's Day and then did Taco Tuesday at Jalisco. Went back to catch the end of ninja class and then home for the night. Tuesdays are going to be late nights again, I think.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018-

Love this meme!

Got up no problem this morning for another easy run on the treadmill. 4 miles in 31:36. 7:54 avg pace. Short and slow. Hated that I had to work 34 hours until my next run. Ugh. Why do I do that to myself? Oh yeah...overtime!! Haha.

The day at work started out a bit rough. We had a crew of 3 instead of two after I asked that the brand new girl not be placed as part of the regular crew yet since they had scheduled her with me for 24 hours. When I started here as a brand new EMT, I rode as a 3rd rider for MONTHS until I was set free. Here, they are often giving new hires, and I mean BRAND NEW EMTs, one or two training shifts and then setting them free. First off, it's not fair to other crew member to pick up the slack AND attempt to train someone at the same time. And most importantly, it's not fair to the patient!! But they don't care. It's all about just finding someone with a pulse to fill open shifts. And this isn't just here. This is across the board in the ambulance service world. I had just been put with a brand new person recently, and while she tried hard, it just wasn't right so I said I wasn't doing it again. This person today had been riding for 3 weeks, but had only been on a few calls and had done ZERO patient care at this point. Fortunately, they know I'm not talking out of my ass, so another co-worker volunteered to come in as a third. They are about to throw this poor girl to the wolves so we came up with a plan for a crash course, or basically half throw her to the wolves. Haha. She was going to drive the ambulance, be the first in on scene, the one to do the initial assessment, the one to tech the call in the back of the ambulance, call in the radio report, then give a report to the hospital staff and then write the Temsis report. But she wasn't going to be alone, and that was the key. One of us would be with her at all times to assist and then to provide feedback. It was my way of helping her do it all before she had no help....but unfortunately, some idiot told her I didn't want to work with her, which wasn't true at all.  I didn't know this until later in the morning, however. So she showed up with a bit of an attitude and also without any of her stuff for the 24 hour shift.

We start the truck check and first thing she says is that she needs to go home as soon as possible. I'd already heard that she keeps asking to go home to get things so I was prepared for this. Granted she lives only about a mile away. The kicker is that it's outside of our service area. So I told her that was fine on occasion for an emergency but not to make it a habit and explained the whole thing about being outside our coverage area crap. So I said we could but it had to be quick. She agreed. We continued on with the truck check and explained to her the plan for the day to get her right in there getting experience with us as her backup. She seemed cool with that. Then we got a 911 maybe 5 minutes later. Ended up being an accidental medical alarm, but we still had her go in ahead of us and do the talking and simple paperwork. Good way to start. Easy enough. While we're already out, we decided to swing by her condo. She says, "I'll be quick." Like hell she was. 15 minutes!! I almost drove away. In fact, we were literally about to leave when she walks out carrying all of her stuff for the day and night and a cup of coffee she had just made. Oh hell no. See, I'm not one of those people who only has balls on social media. I have NO PROBLEM saying something to someone's face. She steps in the truck, and I say, "I almost left you." I could see she was a little shocked. I told her that that wasn't cool for her to spend 15 minutes in her apartment after I'd already told her it had to be quick. I literally said, "You need to come to work prepared. We never should have been in here in the first place." Let the pouting commence. Well...little did I know the pouting started before our shift started because she came in thinking I didn't want to work with her. Already too many details here, but anyway. After spending 10 minutes pouting in the other room when we got back, she finally came out and helped us. I'm sorry, but you don't walk in here with 3 weeks on the job making demands and then pushing the limits. I WILL call you out on it.

So at this point I'm thinking this is going to be a LONG 24 hours, but she finally comes into "my" office (I make it mine on Wednesdays haha) and asks to talk. That's when she tells me that someone told her I didn't want to work with her. Now, it all made sense! We actually ended up having a good conversation. Totally cleared the air. I explained her in more details why I asked for a third crew member and how we were doing this to help her not because I didn't want to work with her. My intentions were completely the opposite of what she thought so then she became more receptive to what I had to say. She said she understood that she needed to come to work prepared and other crews had been taking her home to drop things off or pick things up and she didn't realize that it wasn't really ok. Blah, blah ,blah. But anyway, we were honestly good the rest of the day. We only had two transports and then two fire standbys so it wasn't a lot, but it all went according to plan. She had never talked on the radio and got to do that. It really worked out perfectly for her to have a day to just jump into the game but know we were there to help her. It definitely eased her nervousness a bit. The shift ended up being fun. We all got Indian food for take-out and genuinely had a good time. So I was really glad it all worked out well in the end. She was receptive. She did ok with her patient care, and I was able to give her the go-ahead to our manager to be a regular crew member with the right partner. Do I think she should be working as a regular crew member yet? Absolutely not, but I can't do anything about that. Hopefully it all works out for her and her patients.

Our happy Indian food. Loved this!

Thursday, February 15, 2018-  Yay for a full night's sleep with no calls. I got up early to shower then left for the Tamworth base. So funny since half of the crew was impatiently waiting to see how the day went with the new girl. Hahaha. No one is really sure of her yet since she was curled up sleeping on the couch on her first day. To us, that's often a bad sign. Haha. So I told them the whole story. Haha. So much gossip and drama. That's how we get through our days when we're just sitting around. It's actually true!

Since my partner today is apparently above checking the truck, I did the truck check by myself which took quite awhile. I didn't really mind since it killed an hour. We had absolutely no 911 calls during my 10 hours there, but the shift really wasn't that bad. Usually it drags, but it was 5pm before I knew it, and it was time to finally run! Yay!

I was told not to run like an asshole, but I was a wee bit defiant and ran kind of like an asshole. It was a short run that was mostly flat, and it wasn't the route I planned so I kind of just wanted to get it over with. Plus, it was also dark within a mile. I ran from the base with the plan to run the aviation neighborhoods to stay off the main road. Well...I made an attempt and found the paved roads in the neighborhood covered in about 2-3 inches of ice. And I mean covered. I thought it was only at the beginning of the road so I kept going and then realized it went as far as I could see so I turned around and ended up just doing 3 loops of Ossipee Lake Rd, Cross Rd and Rt 41. So I ran from Tamworth to West Ossipee and back to Tamworth 3 times. Haha. I actually felt really good on this so I couldn't help but run fast. Negative splits, too!! So not like me! :) 5.1 miles total in 36:20. 7:02 avg pace. 1st miles was 7:11 and worked down to 6:52 for the 5th. Needed that after 34 hours of sitting on my ass. Since it was Thursday, it wasn't a big deal that I ran it fast. The next two days would be more miles and easy running.

Felt good to be home for the night finally. John was there since he's pretty much there on every Thursday night now. It was beer time for me and lounging on the couch.

Phoenix licking the taco tin

So cute but not sweet. Haha.

Friday, February 16, 2018- Friday was my sleeping in day, but I got up briefly to make sure John had his lunch. His dad picked him up to take him to catch the van, and I went back to bed for a little longer. Haha. Took my time this morning and then drove over to Washington St in Conway to park and start my run from there. Today's run was 10 miles with...gulp... six 20 sec strides at the end. Haha. I know. That's nothing, but like I said, I'm lazy! haha.

Road options in the winter are tough around here unless you want to run on ice. I did not want to run on ice so I made an out-and-back that mainly followed West Side Rd, but I added in two neighborhoods to break up the monotony. One with a huge ass climb both ways. I was told to run easy. And honestly, that's probably why I ran a sub-11 on Sunday because I have a feeling that on my own, I would have stupidly gone out for 12-14 miles in a sub-7:30 pace thinking that was "easy" for me. I probably would have ruined my legs for Sunday. Instead, I just ran comfortably, only occasionally looking at my watch. Ran through Heather Hill and Dandiview which turned out to be good choices. Felt pretty good on the run. Stopped at 10 miles and then did the six strides on Hillside Dr where it was flat. First one was rough. The others felt pretty good, but I was told they're too slow. Haha. Dammit. It takes like 5 of the 20 seconds to get my fat ass up to speed. :) With the jog back, these added on another .7 miles. So total of 10.7 miles in 1:23:16. 7:46 avg pace. 553ft of elevation, which I liked way better than flat running.

Went right home to shower and eat then took Phoenix for a walk on the snowmobile trail starting behind Walmart. Same place we walked 2 weeks ago but farther this time to Pudding Pond. Walked to 2.5 miles total then grabbed some things at Walmart before picking up John at Cranmore and then home for the night. Found mouse #5 dead in the trap after almost a week of no mouse activity so I was kind of surprised to find it. Hoping that's the last of them.

Not photoshopped. Accidental blurriness which resulted in hiding my wrinkles so I like it. Haha.

Saturday, February 17, 2018- I was up pretty early this morning since I had offered to help out at the Whitaker Woods Snowshoe Scramble. Yes, that's right! After 6 years straight of racing the Scramble, I decided not to race it. I never would have thought I'd choose an indoor track meet over a snowshoe race, but that seriously did happen. I had intended to race the Scramble on its original date and then I planned to race both the Scramble and the Indoor Meet, but someone helped talk me down. Haha. If I had raced both, this would have been me on Sunday night: "I can't believe I didn't break 11 minutes. Wahhhh. So disappointed. I suck! I don't know why I'm so slow. I'm a has-been!" Hahahaha. It's true. I would have.

I was perfectly happy not racing Whitaker. Not a pang of regret. I really enjoyed just helping out with registration while also seeing all of the faces I've missed for months. Then off they went and stayed behind entering all of the day-ofs into Kevin's computer while I caught up with Erica Kahn a bit. It was great. I really do enjoy this aspect of "racing"... the not racing but still being a part of it and helping Kevin out. He helped out at my race last year so it was my turn to return the favor. I got to spend time just talking to everyone instead of stressing about my warm up and being nervous about the race. Pat Rich showed up for his first snowshoe race, and I made him give me his snowshoes to inspect. Haha. Talk about a well-used pair of snowshoes! Wow! The cleats were rounded. I offered him my Dion's to borrow for the race to try them out, but he ended up declining. On this course, his snowshoes were fine, and he won the race in a really good time. I made sure he took my pair home with him to try out and then wear at Nationals, though. He needs something and with better cleats for that race, and I hated for him to spend the money on a pair without trying them first. So I'm hoping they work for him!

Kevin ended up racing, as well, and came in second. My old friend, Kyla, showed up and took first female. I was so happy to see her take the win. As for me, I took Chill out for a leisurely snowshoe run on the course. Took it super easy since I did NOT want to destroy my legs at all. 3.6 miles on my watch. 36:15. Almost 6 minutes slower than I raced it last year, just to give an idea of how slow I did actually run. It was an absolutely gorgeous day.

View of Mt Washington from the course

I had plans to get in another 4.4 miles on the road, but John wasn't answering his phone. I was guessing he left it by his bed and was in the other room, but since I couldn't be sure, I decided to head right home after my run. Kevin sent me home with one of my favorite local beers, Saco River Brewing's Old Course Porter with Coffee. Thanks, Kevin!

My suspicion was correct. John was fine; it was just the phone was out of earshot. Grrr. Decided to do the other 4.4 miles in the neighborhood. A run I used to hate, but since I don't do it often, it wasn't so bad. There was one ice patch I had walk across twice on each out and back, but other than that the road was mostly clear of ice. Super slow run. 4.4 miles in 36:22. 8:08 avg pace. haha. Now THAT is slow.

Took John and the dogs out for a walk in the Albany Town Forest after I showered. It was such a nice day and I needed to get John out for some exercise then it was back home for the rest of the day and night.

These chunks of ice are from when the river flooded recently

Chill thought he could catch the animal inside the tree. haha.

Sunday, February 18, 2018- Indoor Champs 3000m

I got up at 7am and got right on the treadmill for a really easy 3 miles just to loosen up the legs before our drive down to the Gordon Indoor Track at Harvard University. 8:09 avg pace. Totally the plan and I guess almost the true definition of a "shakeout". I absolutely hate that word after seeing it so misused to title Strava runs, so I refused to title my run with it. Instead, I went with something far more catchy..."Treadmill" Haha.

I knew it was going to snow overnight, but the final forecast said 1-3 inches. Yeah, well woke up to 4-5 inches. Dammit. That meant I had to shovel. Fortunately, it was fresh powder so it was light and made shoveling quick, but "quick" is relative. I still have a huge-ass driveway and spent about 1.5 hours until I had to quit for us to leave on time. Looked like I'd be finishing it up after we got home tonight.

The drive down was easy. No traffic. I had pre-paid to park in the 175N lot right next to the outdoor track on N. Harvard St. Unfortunately there would be no running with John on the track this year since it was covered in snow. Boo. Instead, I walked John over to the indoor track where he would stay while I went back out for my warm up. I still remember being so excited to be there 2 years ago. I had John take my photo in front of the sign. I was feeling really good about my comeback from my injury, and my personal life was going pretty well then, as well. Two years later, things aren't quite as good running-wise and I feel like the stress I've been dealing with has worn me down a bit. I was actually kind of sad that I didn't have that giddiness I had here 2 years ago.

One thing I was happier about this time around, though, was that I knew the deal and didn't feel like a newbie idiot. Haha. I found John a place in the bleachers, changed my shoes and then headed out for a 3 mile warm up that I just ran randomly. It was so nice out!

Once I was back, I only 20 minutes until race time. I ran into Kasie Enman which was nice since I had someone I knew running the 3000m "with" me. (That's in quotes because I'm pretty sure she came close to lapping me rather than running with me. Haha.) I got my numbers, hit the bathroom one more time then went out on the floor to do, ahem, strides. haha. I did about 4 or 5 just to look like I fit in there and then spent the rest of the time talking to Kasie. The only other person I recognized doing the 3000 was Lauren Opachinski, whom I don't know at all, but was at least a familiar face. The rest were all VERY young. I was thinking early to mid-20s when we lined up. I turned out to be way off. Nearly all of them were teenagers! I must have looked absolutely ridiculous out there among them. Haha.

I was seeded second to last (14 of 15 haha) so I was starting up high. This was what I did here 2 years ago so it wasn't new to me. The young girls around me looked confused as you can see by this photo. Haha.

Photo by Kathie Kelley

#13 would actually be the one to push me the entire race. Right off the line we started a game of leap frog all the way to the end. She had a coach calling out splits which pushed her to pass me...which pushed me to pass her. Haha. I fell into last place in the beginning just to keep myself a little slower on the first lap. By lap 3, I pulled ahead of #13. Stephen Peckiconis was also helpful with calling out whether I was too slow or not. The biggest help were the splits I had written on my arm. I've never paid attention to my splits before since I'm clueless on the track, but I was told that this time I was going to. Haha. So every 3rd lap split went on my arm. This, along with the rest of it, really helped pull me along, and by the last lap I knew I had a sub-11 coming. A quick calculation in my head had me at 10:58 if I maintained my current pace, but for some reason, I'm really good at picking up the pace on the last lap. I passed two girls and got passed by #13. I came around the last turn to see the clock totally in my favor finishing in 10:55.23. I was super stoked! Hit my goal and didn't come in last! Yay!!

Yep. I have terrible form. Haha. Photo by Kathie Kelley.

Look at how young!! Haha!

I didn't spend much time there. It was such a late start time that John and I just wanted to go home. I ran a very short cool down in the ice rink which is literally the room next door. Felt so good in there. Wish the track was that cool. Haha. I changed clothes then we left. Dropped my bag at the car then walked over to Trader Joe's which had been the plan on the way home anyway. This was just way more convenient.

No breweries and no restaurants today. Just a quick stop at Barnes & Noble for John to get some books with his gift certificate. We were home right around 7pm. I took out the dogs then got right to shoveling, but not without cracking open a beer to bring out with me. Took me about an hour to finish the driveway. I was beat. Showered. Watched a little TV. Then called it a night. I'd had a successful day. Hopefully this trend continues!

Shovel and beer

2018 Old Mountain Trail 5K

This turned out to be a really good week with my running/racing. I actually felt good on my runs and had a good race on Saturday at the Old Mountain Trail 5K in Rhode Island, the second race in the South County 4th Season Race Series. Got my mileage back up with a little guidance from my friend so I was happy about that. 60.2 miles for the week. 3,238ft of elevation gain which is pretty good. Got in 2 treadmill runs, 2 trail runs and 3 road runs. Even got in my first real long run in awhile.

The week was quiet without John there, and I missed him. It was too quiet, though, and I started to get that feeling of just someone going through the motions since he gives me a true purpose in life. Someone else to care for who needs it. I guess the only good thing about him being gone was that I didn't have to hear from Bryan at all except once just to tell him John's flight number on his way back to Boston. This was one of those divorces that had we not had a child, we would have signed the papers and been done with each other completely forever. Sad to say something like that after 16 years with someone, but we were never a good match, and by the end, we really had nothing left to share with each other. But, unfortunately, I have to deal with him, and just when I write how he's calming down and I'm giving him a break...BOOM. I've been fooled again. John wasn't back 12 hours when shit started up again. He just doesn't get it. But, anyway, the 5 days of no-Bryan contact were nice. My stress level dropped. I felt good. Running felt good. It's amazing how much stress can affect you.

Found some cute pictures on John's school's Facebook page of him in baking class making those biscuits I mentioned in the last post. And then one of him in a class. Actually got a little choked up when I saw these because he's so happy there. I'm going to be so sad for him if the school closes, though. I finally made the decision to write to Ellen DeGeneres seeking out help for the school. She literally has an option for help for your school on her website so I figured why not. What would it hurt to try? The hard part was I could only write 1500 characters so it was hard to fit in everything I wanted to say about the school, but I tried to hit the key things. I'm sure they get 1000s of these so they need to be short. Such a long shot, but I had to try.

Monday, February 5, 2018- For the first time in forever, Rob and I didn't have a single 911 call the entire 24 hours. It was a very long and boring shift. Fortunately, I broke it up with a 3 mile run on the work treadmill. The usual 3 miles in 22:09...always a 7:23 pace. This treadmill is just so uncomfortable to run on. Hoping to stop using it and get my ass up on Monday mornings to use my own treadmill.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018- John's grandmother texted me a photo of John in Florida...

Meanwhile in New Hampshire...

Yes. That's an unhappy me at the end of my run Tuesday morning. Not sure when snow entered the forecast for Tuesday, but I did not see this coming...and it literally ended an hour after my run and the sun came out for the rest of the day! Haha!

This was first true long run of my Vermont City Marathon training that began this week. I was actually looking forward to this run. While it wasn't new roads, it was a new loop I made up that started at work and did a lollipop loop. I was actually looking forward to this run and felt really good right off the bat. That's always a good sign. Things were going well, and then in mile 9 right in the middle of Freedom Village, snow flurries started. Hmm. As I ran up the bitch of a hill on Cushing Corner Rd and got up high in the open, all I could see was a wall of snow heading my way. WTF. Totally caught me off guard. This isn't the first time I've been caught in a surprise snowstorm during a long run in Freedom. It was still a good 4-5 miles before the roads became totally white, but still had some slight traction. The last miles...forget it. The roads became a slippery mess and every single fucking step had my foot sliding. It sucked so bad! I actually almost quit and called my coworkers to come pick me up in the ambulance. (I'm a true a believer in the use of the Wahhhmbulance Taxi Service. Haha) I was so close, but I wanted to get in the miles dammit. At least my effort stayed the same, even if the pace slowed slightly. Considering that, I was still really happy with my run. Definitely the first good long run that I've had in awhile. 18.6 miles in 2:19:13. Still a 7:29 avg pace which made me happy despite knowing it should have been faster. 750ft of elevation gain. I took this photo of the road right after I finished my run...

I was pretty annoyed to see the sun come out as soon as I got home, but it was also a good thing since I was making a quick trip to Portland for an appointment. Stopped at Target after the appointment to get some supplies for John for school and a few groceries. Ended up getting hypoglycemic while I was in there and almost passed out. Started sweating so much that it was soaking through my shirt. Not sure why that happened since I ate before I left home, but it did, so I grabbed what I needed quickly plus some extra food to eat as soon as I paid for it. I made a quick stop at the Bier Cellar and then drove right home. One of the things that I couldn't find in Portland was a calculator. So weird. Neither Target nor Staples sold them (other than a really small cheap calculator as part of a $10 set of math supplies). Decided to check the Dollar General on the way back into town and sure enough. Got a calculator for $2. Sweet. Just sat around the rest of the night. I was pretty beat.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018- Today marked the first day of getting help with my training from my friend. I was told to run easy or die. Haha. I chose to live and ran easy (for once!) on the treadmill before work. 4 miles in 31:03. 7:46 avg pace rather than my usual sub 7:10 pace. Felt pretty good and what I needed after yesterday's long run.

Today was the last shift with my partner of two years. Just when I had gotten used to him, too. Haha. Oh well. Pretty sure my old Thursday partner, Jeff (Hi, Jeff!!), is going to take his place as my regular partner. Yay!! We work well together so that's good.

We got a huge snowstorm in New England today which I had been dreading since I knew it meant shoveling. UGHHH. Little did I know, I would also have to shovel our driveway at work so we could get the ambulance out. Yeah, whatever! Who cares about an ambulance getting out to respond to 911 calls. Fuck us! Ugh. No one plowed our driveway. There's a guy...but he decided to wait until the next morning to show up. WTF. The snow stopped around 10pm so I went out and shoveled the snow in front of the bay door until I hit the plowed section of the lot that belongs to Amerigas. They weren't even open but their plow guy still plowed. I'm sure my company found the lowest rate they could for plowing since that's all they care about it. The bottom line. Leaves us without the supplies we're REQUIRED to have by the State all the time! Anyway, when I finished shoveling the ambulance out, I shoveled my car out and moved it over to Amerigas's plowed lot. Haha. I went to bed after that dreading the fact that I would be shoveling 8 inches of snow from my huge driveway the next morning, too.

My car haha.

Where my car had been haha.

Thursday, February 8, 2018- Woke up to a beautiful morning. Had a trail run planned down south for the afternoon so I went home and got started on my driveway. I decided to Strava my shoveling. It's not quite accurate since it can't really pick up my short movements. Took over 2 hours and 20 minutes. Would have been longer had the plow guy who is supposed to plow the end up my driveway and the well not felt bad for me shoveling it already (that took me an hour alone just breaking through to the road) and took the plow down one pass on part of my driveway. Saved me a good hour by doing that. I was so shocked to see him do that since he never has once. Usually plows my driveway IN after I've already shoveled it. I did attempt to get the snowblower out, but finally figured out that one of the augers isn't spinning. Pretty sure it's a belt, but I can't figure out how to open the thing up to fix it. So it was back to shoveling. My knee was so bruised from using it to turn up the push shovel, and my hands had blisters through my mittens. Strava picked up exactly 2 miles, but it had to be more than that.

Wall of snow blocking my driveway. This should have been cleared already since the neighborhood pays the well company for it as part of our water bill. Grr.

My driveway

After it was clear

After it was clear

Spent over 2 hours busting my ass to find out from John when I got home that night that Bryan had the nerve to say that I didn't get the job done and that he was surprised I even did it. As if I haven't been clearing that driveway for the last 4 winters before this?? And what right does he even have to complain about it since he doesn't pay for that house? Grr.

I showered and drove south for more trail exploration. For some reason, getting lost is the name of the game with this one. Even did a full loop at one point without realizing it until coming back to where we started. It was hilarious and took us a good 1.5 miles of unplanned running around until we figured out where we went wrong. Another problem is the goddamn Bay Circuit Trail which kept intersecting the route and steering us off course. All of a sudden we'd be in totally the wrong place with a stupid Bay Circuit Trail marker laughing at us. So screw you, Bay Circuit Trail! Still a really fun run with some good climbs and views. Made it back to the lot with only about 10 minutes to spare before the gate locked for the night. Eek! 9.4 miles in 1:31:33. 1,217 ft of elevation gain. These hills are surprising me! Caught my legs on a briar at some point and didn't notice that I had blood pouring down my legs. Haha. The after picture is no good since it was dried already. :) Had some post-run beer and yoga then headed home.

I'm giving that sign and white blaze the middle finger right now. Haha.

Friday, February 9, 2018- John was home from Florida the night before so he was up for school on Friday morning. And as I mentioned before, all of the issues with Bryan that had dissipated while he was gone were back when I was lying in bed and heard Bryan screaming at John at the end of the driveway. I guess John forgot something so Bryan turned around to get it and ran into the snowbank. Apparently this was somehow my fault for how I shoveled the driveway and then Bryan wanted John to shovel it out. I'm like WTF and get up to find John coming into the house in tears. He told me what happened. I was ready to just put him in my car and drive him to school, but my car was blocked in by Bryan's. John went back out and screaming began again. This time I heard John screaming back so I finally opened the door and asked if there was something I could do to help. That was met with a, "Stay away!!" Ugh. I yelled back for him to stop screaming at John and went back inside feeling helpless as to what to do so I started crying. So I just watched and they finally freed the snow bank and left. About 5 minutes later I get a text from Bryan that his car broke down at the gas station. John is already late for school at this point so I quickly change out of my pajamas and get in my freezing cold car (it was -8 degrees out) and drive up there to get John to school.

Wow. Way to make a re-entrance back in our lives, Bryan. It's like I give him a break, think maybe I'm overreacting or hypercritical and should back off a bit, and then he does stuff like this that just reminds me that I'm right. It's his temper. He can't control it. It's that rage that once you're in it, you can't get out of it even if you know in the moment what you're doing is wrong. That is the problem, and he always feels remorse for it. Always. But like my life with him, there comes a point where you just can't forgive and let it go anymore. It eats away at you. You withdraw from that person and he never gets you back. It's over. That's what I'm afraid of happening with John. He's only 11, and he already sees it. I've told Bryan over and over that he needs to do something about his temper, but I don't know if he knows how. He's losing John, and that makes me sad since John needs his dad and there won't be another dad. And meanwhile, I just have to sit on sidelines watching it unfold, and I really don't know what the fuck to do.

So it was a very frustrating morning that fortunately turned into a very nice day. I stopped on the way back home to let the dogs out at the Wonalancet ski trail lot and found a freshly groomed xc track. I had no idea where it went so I decided I would come back down here for my run and then ski this trail after.

Checking out the trail with dogs. I only went this far since I didn't want to mess it up with boot tracks.

It sucked that I had to go all the way back home, but I had the time. When I got back down to Wonalancet, I ran a pretty easy 6 miles out-and-back into Sandwich. 46:22. 7:40 avg pace. 352ft of gain. Pretty good hills on this one. I was little sore and tight from the trail run the day before since I'm really not doing much trail running right now.

Finished up the run, changed clothes in my car and ventured out on the ski trail. It was really beautiful and cool to be the first one on the fresh grooming. I didn't know where I was going, but the trail just went up and up until it ended near the summit of Mt Katherine. Realizing where I was at this point, I decided not to go back the groomed trail, but to break trail down the hiking trail to do a loop. This part was so much fun. I've never actually broken trail on skis down a mountain before so this was a new experience for me. It wasn't steep or very long, so it was perfect. I saw a lot of moose tracks along the way. The trail came out to a road that went back to 113A, but I cut across a field and through the woods to get back to my car instead. 2.8 miles total. Not a lot, but perfect since I didn't want to overdo it anyway with a race the next day.

I picked John up from Cranmore later. He always has so much fun. I'm sure he's going to be bummed out when the ski season is over, but he will be doing kayaking for his Friday activity after that which I'm so excited he chose. Nothing else to do that night since we were leaving early the next morning for RI.

Saturday, February 10, 2018- Old Mountain Trail 5K 

Of course snow was predicted for the early morning when we'd start our drive, but from the looks of it, it would be gone by Wakefield. Crazy enough, the road went from snow-covered to completely clear LITERALLY on the town line. But the first part was a bit hairy.

Rt 16 in Albany

The rest of the drive was fine and seemed to fly by. John slept the whole way and then refused to get out of the car the entire time we were at the race. It was so nice out that I wanted him to get fresh air, but I stopped fighting him over it when I realized it was just stressing me out within minutes of the start.

We got there pretty early so I hung out in the lot a bit chatting with some people until we could check in, then I took Chill out for a warm-up on the whole course. I wanted to see the conditions, and, as predicted, it was going to be a mudfest. Yay! I actually like racing in the mud (not Muddy Moose type mud, but runnable mud). Once back at the car, I traded Chill out for Phoenix who wanted to stay in her blanket and ran her just a short distance to where I left Chill's poo bag and back. Haha. It was close to race time so I changed out of my Inov-8s and into my La Sportiva's. They felt SO much better. It was so warm out that I didn't even wear gloves. Just a singlet and shorts today. Yay!

I hung out with the WTAC team before the start and saw a super fit and fast looking woman there. I was pretty sure it was the one who had out-kicked me at the beach race, but since we were all so bundled up at that, I wasn't sure. I was pretty sure it was her, though, once I saw her line up on the start line. Dammit. This was going to be another race of going all out and then getting out-kicked. Fuck. Haha. Oh well.

Mike started us off, and I was surprised to see a different girl dart out ahead of both of us. Two of them now?!! The tight turn around the field was a slippery mess, but I hung onto the inside and quickly moved ahead of Ciara (the one who beat me at Resolution) and set my sights on whoever this blond was ahead of me. She looked super young so I hoped she was just going out too fast. I was right and as soon as we hit the single track, I passed her quickly.

Just about to enter the woods behind Nick Fox with Bob Corsi and Ciara right behind me.

 Once I passed the younger girl, I caught in a bit of gridlock for awhile which sucks for trying to see the trail in front of you. I finally got around Nick and ended up behind a guy who I was stuck behind for awhile until it just became to excruciating. I finally had some space and was able to go all out running scared the whole time with no idea how close Ciara was at all. I finally passed one last guy, and then the only person I could see was Mike Daniels who was some distance ahead. I didn't let up, but once we got down around the pond, I was able to get a good look back and saw Ciara wasn't far back at all. Maybe 15 seconds at the most. Dammit. This next section had a lot of slippery bog bridges, and I almost busted on the same one I almost fell on during the warm up. Somehow, the group behind me caught up to me through this section. Eek!! Ciara was maybe 5 seconds back. I had to bust out this last section that climbed up, then down, the back up and then down to the finish.

Fortunately, this was my type of running. I passed the guy in front of me and dropped all of those guys behind me. I even put some distance on Ciara but thought for sure she was going to outkick me at the end AGAIN. Ugh! I honestly though there was no way she wouldn't catch me, but a look back as we took the right turn to head down to the finish, and I couldn't even see her. OMG. I might just take this. As soon as I came out into the field, I just opened it up. I got so caught up in it that I didn't notice I was passing finish line too far to the right. Haha. Goof. Came through taking 1st woman in 22:29, 8 seconds ahead of Ciara. Phew! Another close one!! 12th overall. Full Results

After chatting a bit, Ciara and I headed out on a cool down together on the course. She's from Beverly, Ma and knows a few of the same runners I do on CMS. It turns out that she's mainly just a 5K and less racer and had just run her first 10K not too long ago. So this distance is her thing and explained why was hard to beat. Haha. We ran 1.7 miles then made our way back in time for awards. I wanted to change first but didn't have the time. Our WTAC women's team won 4 six packs of Whalers beer...even though we came in 2nd. The kids beat us this time around. Haha.

Things were over quickly so we headed to the Mews. The WTAC group sat in the bar where John wasn't allowed so I joined the Turtles and Brightman at a table in the dining room. My son took one for my team and sat where I didn't want to sit. He's the best. Lunch was fun. After that a smaller group of us made our way to Proclamation for HOURS. I told John that if he was cool with going then he could to whatever he wanted the next day. He was very keen on that. Haha. He ended up loving Proclamation. I know this because I overheard him telling his friend that he was at this place with free arcade games and it was awesome. Haha! Yes! We ended up eating waffles, and I have no idea how I fit that in my stomach after an entire calzone, but I did. Haha. I have no idea how we were there as long as we were. Time passed quickly. The place was super dog and kid friendly so I had John bring Phoenix in. She was SO good which is unlike her. I was taking a photo of her with Bob and Mark when John photobombed it. Haha.

It was finally time for us to leave so I took Chill and Phoenix out in the same part of the lot as I did the weekend before and then we headed home. The last part of that drive was a struggle to stay awake, but I managed it. Super tired when we got home so I went to bed as soon as I could. Fun day.

Sunday, February 11, 2018- As promised John got to do whatever he wanted which was playing video games all day. Haha. It was raining most of the day anyway so it was gross. I was able to get my run in before the heavy rain started. Only had a light drizzle in the last mile. I ran from home doing a Conway/Stark Rd Loop. Opted to run home through Conway Village instead of Cranmore Shores to avoid the snowy/icy road section. On the way out, I passed Terry Ballou, Kim Proulx and Suz Laughlin heading the opposite direction on a group. I was kind of bummed that I've only been invited to join them that one time, but then I remembered that I would have declined anyway. I needed to run a bit longer and faster than they did so it was ok. But still. No pals for me. Haha. I don't fit in with them really anyway.

I felt really good on this run surprisingly. 11.2 miles in 1:22:44. 7:22 avg pace. Not crazy hilly but still 328ft of gain.

I did an upper body and abs workout when I got back, and then just did stuff around the house the rest of the day. In the afternoon, Bryan let us know that he picked up a shift at work the next morning and that John would have to make his way to the school van stop on his own. Great. John's first time riding the van and he has to do it alone. I wasn't keen on this, but I went out and packed him down a trail in the snow to walk there. Then I brought him out and made him walk it with me so he'd know where to go. Funny that he had to walk to his "bus" stop on snowshoes. SO New Hampshire! Haha.

Caught this hilarious pic of Phoenix jumping for a snowball. Haha. And, no. She did not land on her feet.

I was really happy to have John back this weekend, and I'm glad he had fun in Rhode Island on Saturday. He's been way more positive overall about going to races lately. He still doesn't love going, but he seems to be going with the flow a bit more. Plus, I'm making sure he gets a day where he's home a lot to make it even for us.

Really good week running-wise for me. Had quite a bit of fun this week, too. :) I'm feeling more positive about my running even though I know I have a long way to go still. Upcoming races: USATF-NE Indoor Championships at Harvard on 2/18, more RI trail races, Snowshoe Nationals and the start of the USATF-NE Grand Prix. Busy month coming up. Eek!